Make Me Forget
by Wolf In Sheep's Clothing
Summary: Bella Swan grew up in a less than perfect area of Phoenix with her abusive mother Renee. When she finds out her father is alive, she moves in with him and his new family. Of course, all is never what is seems in Forks, but this time.. neither is Bella.
1. Chapter 1: Make Me Forget

**Disclaimer:** All of the plot lines and characters from Twilight are Stephenie Meyer's.

**Chapter 1: **

Make Me Forget

* * *

Bella Swan was sitting on the porch of her shabby one story house on a chilly December night in Phoenix, Arizona. Declan James sat beside her and offered her a cigarette, both of them lighting up in the night air. Neither knew what time it was, only that it was dark enough to be either late at night or very early in the morning. Bella sighed and took a long drag; her neighborhood was not in the safest part of town, but they both knew she could defend herself easily and had not required the walk home from Declan. She felt bad for the boy; he'd been in love with her since middle school, and as much as she cared for him, it was more of a brotherly love than a romantic one. She had tried to make this clear to him on numerous occasions, but Declan was stubborn. He refused to believe that he couldn't made her feel the same way eventually.

However, having someone beside her did give her an excuse to put off facing her deadbeat mother Renee, who was sure to be either trashed or passed out at this hour. Bella had gotten herself into yet more trouble with the cops, this time for trespassing and "possession of illegal substances". She had gotten off with only a fine; Officer Michaels knew the kind of home life she and her friends came from and was one of the only cops decent enough to go easy on them for it. However, Bella knew that Renee would be much happier if her daughter was sent away, putting more food--and booze--on the table for her, rather than pay another fine, this time for 180 dollars. Inhaling one last time before stomping the cigarette butt with her heel, Bella turned to Declan to say goodbye. He finished his own cigarette and pulled her into an almost too-long hug.

"Bye," he breathed into her hair before pulling away, "Come by my place later if she's a mess."

"Thanks," she replied grimly, "I might have to take you up on that."

The moment Bella close the creaking door behind her, Renee appeared from around the corner of the hallway, whiskey still in hand.

"You!" she spat, stumbling towards Bella and grabbing her shirt in her fist, "You fucking little bitch! I work my ass off to feed you, to clothe you, to put a roof over your head, and how do you repay me? Huh? Answer me!"

"I'm sorry mom," said Bella monotonously, knowing better than to start a fight. Unfortunately, there was no deterring Renee.

"Sorry?" she repeated, getting close enough to breathe her stale drunken breath into Bella's face, "Sorry isn't good enough!"

Bella flinched as Renee wound her arm back to slap her. She used the momentum of the blow to push herself to the floor. It usually ended sooner if she admitted defeat early.

"You little cunt!" Renee screamed, kicking her daughter in the gut, "How am I gonna pay for this _and_ take care of you?! I've only had one fucking income ever since you drove Phil away!"

That was the last straw for Bella. Against her better judgment, she looked up defiantly and retorted, "It's not my fault you weren't good enough in bed and he had to get his kicks from me. You're the one that drove him to it, and when you caught him, you're the one that threw him out. It was no one's fault but yours."

"You goddamn whore!" Renee screeched, a mad glint showing in her eyes, "Phil and I were happy! And you had to take that away from me. You're the one that seduced him. We'd be living in fucking Florida with his baseball team if it wasn't for you!"

"Please, mom," mocked Bella cruelly as she lifted herself from the floor. She knew her actions would be punished, but right now it felt so good to stand up for herself that she didn't care. "If I wanted Phil, I could've had him so much earlier. But he's a scumbag and only someone as desperate as you would actually go _after _him."

Renee could take no more. She grabbed Bella by the hair and slammed her into the wall, bashing her head on a picture frame of mother and daughter smiling repeatedly until she was bleeding form the lip. Her glass had fallen and shattered, and in a frenzy she picked up a jagged piece and started slashing wildly towards Bella.

"Get out of my house!" she screamed, "Get out! Now!"

"Fine!" replied Bella, walking towards her room with Declan's offer in mind, "But I'm not coming back!"

"Good," sneered Renee, "you are no longer welcome here. From now on, I don't have a daughter."

"What a coincidence," laughed Bella humorlessly, "I never had a mother."

Renee pursed her lips but didn't say anything in retaliation. "Pack your shit and go," she deadpanned.

It only took Bella about ten minutes to grab everything she needed. Whether this could be attributed to the anger boiling up in her veins or the fact that she didn't own many worldly possessions, she didn't know. She checked herself in the mirror. She had a swollen bleeding lip and a few marks and cuts that were sure to bruise. She covered up what she could with makeup and gave up on the rest.

Renee was watching TV dispassionately when Bella emerged from her former room. She though about saying "Have a nice life", but decided she really didn't care how the rest of her mother's life went. So instead, she walked out the door without a word, hoping it would be the last time she saw this dump.

It was about ten miles to Declan's apartment--he'd barely graduated high school last year but now had his own place from a job working contruction. Bella scrounged in her bag for quarters and boarded a bus heading in his direction.

She sat in the back, ignoring the usual stares from the men and the less usual stares from concerned onlookers, and leaned her head against the window. She wondered what would become of her now. Would Declan be able to get her a job working construction with him? She could handle that. Would she have to start hustling drugs again? Would things get so bad she'd have to sell her body? Living with Renee had never been a cakewalk, but at least she had been guaranteed food and a bed without having to do anything too desperate.

Not matter how unpleasant some of her options might be, she was glad to be rid of Renee. For the first time in her life, she felt liberated. She was free to do whatever she wanted, free to make something of herself.. free to screw up like her dear old mom.

Bella was so emerged in her thoughts that she almost missed her stop. After exiting the buss in a hurry, she soon found herself knocking on Declan's door, 331A.

"I thought I'd be seeing you," he greeted with a sad smile.

"Can I stay here? For longer than tonight, I mean?" asked Bella, getting straight to the point as she brushed past him and set down her bag, "I'm not an expensive roommate, I swear."

"Well, sure," replied Declan, "But why? What happened?"

"Renee threw me out," she answered, putting her hand up to stop any further inquiries, "I don't want to talk about it until I'm good and wasted."

Declan nodded. "Of course."

Two hours later they were dancing to some horrible music on Declan's even more horrible stereo, eventually turning it off and collapsing on the couch together.

"You're a good friend," Bella giggled out, grabbing his cheeks grandma-style. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed, jumping to her knees, "You can be my new mommy!"

Declan laughed and tackled her back down to the couch, ending up on top of her. His face suddenly turned serious. He pushed the stray hair out of her face and said, "Why did she kick you out?"

Bella's child-like grin disappeared as she whispered, "Phil."

Declan pulled them upright so she was sitting on his lap and hugged her to him. Bella's drunken waterworks soon gave way and she found herself clinging to him like a lifeline. He was always so unselfish, so caring.. it was times like these that she could almost make herself love him.

That's when she decided that she wanted him, needed him right now. She knew it would likely mean more to him than it did to her, but it's not like it didn't mean anything to her at all, right? Besides, sex wasn't that big of a deal. That's what she'd been telling herself since she lost her virginity at thirteen to Phil, anyway.

It wasn't the best logic in the world, but right now she didn't care. She turned her face into the shoulder she'd been crying on and pressed her lips to it lightly, trailing kisses along his body until she reached his neck and looked up into his eyes. They were full of hope, but at the same time, they looked wary.

"Bella..." he began. She silenced his lips with hers. It was a gentle kiss, her mouth moving slowly against his until she realized he wasn't responding. Then it became forceful, her tongue prying his lips open and skimming along his teeth. He broke away.

"Bella, you don't really want this," he said, torn.

"Yes, I do. I've been wanting this for a long time," she lied.

With that, all his resolve broke and he crashed his lips to hers, running his hand through her hair and kissing her passionately. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he stood up and walked to the bedroom, never breaking the kiss. He laid her on the bed and climbed on top of her, but Bella soon swung herself on top, grinding her hips against him seductively. He moaned and grabbed her chest, pulling her into another kiss as she took her shirt off. He unclasped her bra as she unzipped his pants, and when both were free of their respective clothing, he broke away for the second time.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

She nodded. "Make me forget," she breathed.

And he did.

* * *

Bella awoke the next morning in a tangled, naked mess of limbs. The right side of her face was plastered to her hair, and it was hard to tell which hurt worse--her lip or her head. The events of last night soon came crashing upon her. Careful not to wake her still-sleeping companion, she made her way to the kitchen riding waves of guilt. Bella grimaced. She'd acted like a child last night, employing everything in her arsenal to get her way with the vulnerable opponent.

Bella spooned Folgers into the coffee machine and filled the pot with water, wondering how best to handle the situation. Option one: she could break it to him gently. In all likelihood, this option would result in one of two things--she'd be kicked out for the second time in two days, or she'd stay, but feel awkward and guilty until she finally left of her own choosing. Option two: she could leave right now. Declan had been drinking enough the night before that she could be long gone before he woke. Bella didn't like this option. As horribly selfish as she'd been last night, she truly cared for Declan and her mind shied away from the thought of hurting him, which brought her to option 3: she could go through with what she'd started and stay with him. Of course, sex didn't normally result in this many consequences for Bella, but because of Declan's blaring crush on her and the fact that she didn't love him the same way, she'd steered clear of doing anything she knew would lead him on--until now. But then again, did she really know what love was anyway? It certainly wasn't what Renee or Phil had given to her. How could she possibly decided if she loved someone if she'd never been shown it at all? Had she been in love with him this whole time but had been too blind to see it?

She was on her third cup of black coffee when Declan finally woke up. She had to decide now. Which option was it going to be?

The moment Declan approached her, eyes full of apprehension and vulernability, she caved. She set her mug down and wrapped her arms around him. He breathed a sigh of happiness and relief, burying his head in her long hair.

"Morning," he said with a smile.

"Morning," she answered, leaning up to kiss him.

They remained entwined together for several minutes before Declan left to get ready for work, promising to ask about getting her a job.

After he left, she jumped in the shower. The hot water stung at her various cuts and bruises, but it felt good to cleanse herself. She spent extra time in front of the mirror until you could no longer tell she'd been beaten last night and now had a killer hangover, but was still soon without anything to do. It was 11--too early to call anyone. They'd either be sleeping off their own hangovers or still be in school. School was another thing she had to consider. She'd skipped today, but did she want to go back now that no one was forcing her to? Did she really need to? It wasn't likely that she'd pass her junior year anyway. Maybe if Declan got her the job, she'd quit.

She sighed and walked to the kitchen, deciding only to decide later. She grabbed the bread and made two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She polished it off with a glass of orange juice and returned to the pantry, deciding on the box of Oreos. She downed a row of them and completed her binge with a few spoonfuls of the peanut butter she'd left out.

Bella returned to the bathroom in an almost catatonic state. She kneeled beside the toilet and shoved her middle and ring fingers to the bottom of her throat, pumping mechanically until her stomach lurched. She relished in the makeshift high as her stomach was emptied over and over again. When her system had nothing left to purge, she stood up to an assaulting wave of black spots and dizziness. Feeling only infinitesimally better, but better all the same, she went back to bed until it was late enough to call someone.

* * *

**A/N: I have the second and part of the third chapter already written. I don't expect a bunch of reviews for the first chapter, but I do have a tendency to get lazy and they'd give me a kick in the ass to get the rest typed up. ;)**

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	2. Chapter 2: And The World Spins Madly On

**Two months later**

Bella woke early, even though she didn't have to work today. Declan, however, did, and had woken her up accidentally on his way out. She tried to get back to sleep; Natalie who had spent the night, was still snoring peacefully.

Her stomach heaved suddenly, and she threw off the covers to run to the bathroom. Her system unmercifully rejected what little was in it for a good ten minutes before she washed her face and collapsed on the couch. This was the third day in a row it had happened. The only thing she could think of was that her body was so used to her not keeping food down that it now did the work itself.

_Wonderful,_ though Bella as Natalie emerged from the room, that _wakes her up._

Natalie was a tall, naturally thin brunette with stunning green eyes. She was constantly warding off hopeful men, only interested in other members of the female sex. She and Bella had dated a year or so back. The short-lived relationship had ended in mutual agreement, and now Bella could think of no better friend than Natalie. Natalie knew practically everything about Bella and was always there when Bella needed her. Natalie was constantly telling her she was gorgeous, prettier than herself, even, but it took a rare and very high self esteem day for her to believe it.

Despite being probably overly critical of her body, she liked the way she looked today. They'd dyed her hair a dark red last night, and the tattoo she'd done last week was finally healing. She had gotten a spur of the moment treble clef intertwined with Elliott Smith lyrics along her left wrist. And then there was the nose ring. Bella sighed. She had a tendency to be spontaneous when Natalie was around.

"You should probably try to keep _something_ down, babe," Natalie remarked casually, turning on the coffee machine.

"I got sick," Bella defended herself.

"Sure, you did."

Bella rolled her eyes, deciding it was pointless to respond. A sudden wave of pain clenched in her lower stomach. Thinking she might be sick again, she bolted to the bathroom and shut the door. She felt a slick wetness in her underwear and peeled them off slowly. Bella looked down in horror as she saw the splotches of blood and what looked like clumps of body tissue. She wasn't due for her cycle for another week, and this was nothing like getting her period. The blood was fresh and bright red and _everywhere_. She was slammed with another churning of pain as she called out frantically, "Natalie!"

"What is it?" asked Natalie as she opened the door. Her eyes widened at the sight of her friend. "We have to get you to the hospital, sweetie."

* * *

"Were you aware of your pregnancy, Miss Swan?" asked the doctor.

Bella stared at the white curtains beside her bed as Natalie squeezed her hand.

"No."

"I'm sorry, dear," she continued kindly, "You were about three weeks along. Unfortunately, with you being at a weight of--" she checked her charts quickly, "96 pounds, the baby was too weak to be carried very far past conception."

"I've been sick," said Bella weakly.

"Are you sure there's nothing else that maybe you've like to talk about?"

"She's been sick," repeated Natalie firmly. Bella closed her eyes and thanked her silently.

The doctor nodded and flipped pages on her clipboard. "There's an excellent psychologist I can refer you to, her name is--"

"I don't need a shrink," protested Bella.

The doctor gazed down at her sympathetically. "Honey, going through this sort of thing can be a traumatic experience. Talking to someone about it--"

"I can't afford it."

"There are excellent hospital financial plans that would--"

"Please," pleaded Bella, "I just want to get out of here.

The doctor sighed. "I can't force you to do anything. If you feel up to it, you're free to go. Is there someone you'd like me to call? A parent?"

"I'll drive her," offered Natalie.

The doctor smiled at them both. "Take care of her," she ordered Natalie before turning to Bella, "and you take care of yourself. The offer is always open if you ever need to talk. Just ask for Doctor Lynn Snyder."

Bella nodded slowly. "Thank you."

Bella said nothing as they walked to the car, Natalie's arm around her the whole time. How could this have happened? She and Declan were always so careful. And she had starved it to death, a poor innocent little baby... whether she meant to or not, she had murdered her child. She was worse than Renee. And she would never forget.

Her mind started racing as she thought about Declan. How was she going to tell him? Even if Natalie delivered the news, she still wouldn't be able to handle facing him.

"Stop," Bella croaked out as Natalie turned towards the apartment, "Drive to Renee's."

Natalie pulled over and looked at her with concern blazing in her eyes. "Babe," she said, "I know you're scared, but you can't just exile yourself so you don't have to talk to him."

"I'm not exiling myself," lied Bella obviously, "She's my mother."

"She's a fucking bitch who uses you as a punching bag, Bella," Natalied replied hotly, "You're not doing this."

"Don't tell me what to do," said Bella angrily, opening the car door.

"Bella!" Natalie called, following her out of the car, "Bella, what the hell are you doing?"

"Walking," she answered shortly.

Natalie ran up and grabbed her by the arm.

"Get in the car," she ordered, but softly, "I'll drive you there."

The silent ride resumed, but this time Natalie held her hand.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Natalie asked as she stopped the car.

"I'm sure."

"Do you want me to stay?"

Bella shook her head. "No."

Natalie pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm always just a phone call away."

"Promise me," whispered Bella, breaking the hug, "Promise me you won't tell him."

"Bella--"

"Please."

Natalie nodded and Bella left without another word. She could feel herself already bottling up her shame and storing it in the back of her mind as the car drove away. She couldn't let herself dwell on it now. She had to prepare herself for returning to the one place she'd hoped to never see again.

Bella opened the door softly. "Renee?" she asked tentatively, "Mom?"

If she was here, she didn't answer. Bella made her way to the living room, helping to numb her brain with mindless television. She gasped as she entered the room before realizing it was just her mother lying on the couch that had startled her. It was probably best not to wake her.

But... something was wrong. "Renee?" she said gently, inching closer. She got a good look at her face and inhaled sharply. Her mother's lips were purple, her mouth unmoving.

"No," moaned Bella, "no, no, no, no, no!"

She stumbled to the kitchen to call 911. She didn't even notice the note taped on the phone until she'd pressed '9' and '1'. She hung up the phone and opened it slowly.

_Bella--_

_I know I failed as a parent with you, and for that I am sorry. I don't expect you to mourn my death, or to forgive me from one letter._

_But there_ _is something I have to tell you. I lied when I said your father was dead. The truth is, I failed as a wife, too. I lived with him for a year after you were born before I left. He wanted to keep you, but you know how the courts rule in favor of the mothers. I haven't spoken with him since I left with you, but I doubt he's moved. His phone number is at the bottom of the page. His name is Charlie._

_I'm sorry. See you in another life, Isabella._

_--Renee_

Bella slumped to the floor and sobbed. As Renee had said, she wasn't going to mourn her death. Part of her wondered if that made her a bad child, or a bad person, but after everything Renee had put her through she couldn't bring herself to care. No, she wasn't going to lament Renee, but she was damn well going to get angry.

For one, it was just like Renee to show some remorse when it didn't mean anything. Her whole life, all Bella had wanted was an ounce of attention from Renee; a hug, or an 'I love you', or anything that would have made her feel even slightly wanted. Renee had never bothered with affection when she was alive, and when she finally left this world she was too much of a coward to do it on more than a piece paper that might have never even reached her daughter. Two apologies would never be enough to make up for a lifetime of failures, and Renee had damn well known that.

Two, she'd killed herself knowing that Bella would be the only one likely to find her, which was another reason Bella didn't take the 'I'm sorry' from the note seriously for a single second. What kind of person doesn't even bother to make sure her body is found by someone it wouldn't inflict personal trauma on? Certainly not someone full of remorse for past traumas inflicted on said person.

And three, the thing that was swarming around Bella's mind, the thing that made her anxious and furious and confused and excited all at the same time--Renee had lied to her about her father. Bella thought back to the countless moments of desperation and hopelessness, when she had come close to beating Renee to suicide. If she had only known there was a way out, _all this time.. _God knew if Charlie even wanted anything to do with her after her long absence from his life, but it was still a glimmer of an option that might have made some of the things Bella had resorted to unnecessary.

Her nerves couldn't handle this. She repeated the process of denying her emotions and called 911 to come pick up the body.

Then she called her father.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Thanks so much for the reviews! I meant to type this up sooner, but I lost the damn notebook I wrote the first few chapters in while I was on vacation. I eventually found it, and I'm sort of kind of grounded this weekend (I'm not really sure what the terms are) so I'll probably have plenty of time to finish up the third chapter and get it to you shortly.**

**Comment or don't, it's up to you.. but I have SERIOUS issues with writer's block, and I swear they do help me get the next chapter up faster!**

**Love,  
Jillian Renee**

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	3. Chapter 3: The Guilty Ones

**Chapter 3: **The Guilty Ones

* * *

"Well, this is it," said Michelle warmly, "our home. Your home, now, too."

Michelle was the opposite of everything Bella had expected. She was middle-aged, but looked younger, and had that rare natural beach blond hair that didn't quite coincide with green Forks, Washington. She was also easily turning out to be one of the most cheerful people on the planet, and having her husband's first wife's daughter show up out of nowhere with piercings and tattoos in tow apparently did nothing to deter her.

"Thank you," replied Bella, "really, for everything. You're being so nice to me."

Michelle creased her forehead. "Well, don't get too ahead of yourself, dear, I couldn't manage to get either of the boys to break their plans. Charlie will be home soon for dinner. James... well, he'll be home eventually."

This was about the fourth time Michelle had apologized for the absence of Bella's new father and step-brother--her new step-brother whose name was James... which was the last name of--

_Don't, _thought Bella as she filed this thought away routinely.

"Really, it's fine," assured Bella again, "I didn't want to make a fuss anyway."

"Nonsense, dear," said Michelle as she showed Bella to her new room, "you're family. And after poor Renee's death, it's the least we--"

"I'd rather not talk about that," said Bella, averting her eyes.

"Of course, sweetie. Well, this is your room... I do hope it's not too small."

Bella looked around curiously. They appeared to be on a remodeled section of the bottom floor. Her room was roughly three times bigger than anything she'd had with Renee and it was already stocked with a huge lush bed in the center, a desk and computer to the right, and a phone on a stand beside a couh to the left. In the back stood a door that looked suspiciously like it led to her own bathroom.

"It's wonderful," said Bella honestly, "I love it."

"Good!" replied Michelle, "I have to go check on a few things for dinner. I'll let you unpack."

Bella waited for Michelle to leave before she collapsed on the bed, surprised at how comfortable it was. She tried to think of something boring that would keep the impending and unwelcome thoughts at bay, like what Charlie and James were out doing... James. The name sent shivers up her spine again. Bella felt horribly guilty for leaving him--and Natalie--behind without an explanation, but it was truly better this way. Bella had been a tornado destroying everyone in her path. It was best to get out before any further damage was inflicted.

She peeled herself from the bed and started unpacking. She had a significant amount of more possessions than the last time she'd moved out since she'd been able to take whatever she'd desired from Renee's. Bella now wore a diamond heart pendant around her neck, really the only thing of value Renee had owned, as a reminder of what she'd left behind and what she could _never_ let herself be.

She decided not to check her e-mail; there were sure to be worried inquiries from Declan and Natalie. Part of her wanted to contact them, just to let them know she was okay, but she didn't want to be tempted to say anything more. Not yet.

So instead, she downloaded music to the computer and lost herself in the lyrics until Michelle popped her head in to announce that Charlie was home.

Bella started to get nervous as she walked out to greet him. Meeting Michelle was one thing--meeting the biological father you thought was dead was quite another.

Charlie was sitting at the table, already spooning food on his plate. Michelle had told her that Charlie was anxious to see her, but it was obvious that the man was a bit deficient in showing emotion. _Like father, like daughter, _she thought. Charlie looked up and nodded, saying, "It's good to have you here," which was almost as many words as he'd said on the phone when she'd first called him. As much as Bella wished she had grown up in this household to begin with, she was pleased to see that Charlie had done much better with his second wife than his first--Michelle was the picture perfect mother, and her exuberance complemented Charlie's almost silent nature.

Michelle did most of the talking during dinner, eliciting an occasional one word response out of Charlie. When Bella took her portion of food from the dishes, she told her she was too skinny and offered more. Bella looked down but accepted the food graciously. You'd think that after the _incident_ she'd have learned to take better care of her body, but what happened had only fueled her mistreatment. Now, more than ever, she didn't feel she deserved to be taken care of.

When they were finishing up, Michelle exclaimed, "Oh, and Bella! We bought you a car."

Bella looked up, surprised. "You didn't have to do that. That's really nice of you."

"It didn't cost us much," Charlie interjected unexpectedly, "My friend Billy Black is in a wheelchair now and doesn't need it anymore, so he sold it to me cheap."

"It's outside if you want to see it," added Michelle.

To Bella's intense surprise, she loved it. She'd walked out to an ancient, sturdy red pick-up truck that fit her like a glove. Of course, she probably wouldn't be able to speed in the thing unless she wanted to give it a heart attack, but that was hardly a concern when she was being handed a free car.

"Thank you so much," said Bella when she walked back in, "I'll pay you back."

"Of course you won't!" said Michelle, "We wouldn't take the money."

"I don't want to impose," replied Bella seriously, "You've already given me so much. I'll look for a job in town soon."

"You're not imposing at all, honey, but a job is an excellent idea! See if you can get James to take on some responsibility too, will you?" she asked with a laugh.

Bella smiled, announcing she was going to lie down for a bit. When she reached what was indeed her very own bathroom, she spilled the contents of Michelle's cooking in her toilet. She returned to her room and laid on the couch, examining the walls mindlessly. The only problem with the room was that it was frilly and pink--Bella might be a girl, but she was hardly girly. She wondered if Michelle would mind if she redecorated._ Probably not_, she thought. In fact, she could probably bring boys home to have loud sex in Michelle's bed and she would knock to see if they needed anything. However, there was something about Charlie's new wife that made her want to obey the rules--or, at least, not let her know she wasn't doing so. With Renee, Bella wouldn't have cared less, even if Renee would have given a shit what she was up to. But Michelle was so infinitely nicer than Renee that Bella found herself wanting to please her. She wasn't going to go crazy and do something like give up smoking, but she did wait until Michelle and Charlie had gone to bed to walk to the end of the driveway and light up.

She was just putting out the filter when three boys walked up, laughing. The one closest to her had shaggy, sandy-blond hair and baby blue eyes. The others had short, spiky, bleach blond and wavy dark hair. The sandy-blond one looked at her curiously and said, "Are you my new step-sister?"

Bella laughed. "You sound like you ordered me from a catalog."

"I didn't know you had a stepsister," said the other blond.

"Neither did I," laughed the boy who was apparently James.

"That's alright," said Bella as she pulled out another cigarette, "I didn't even know I had a dad."

"How does someone not know that?" asked the brunet.

"Well, of course I knew I _had _a dad, but Renee told me he was dead. Want one?" she finished, offering the boys the pack. She handed them her lighter as they accepted the offer and said, "I'm Bella, by the way."

"I'm James," said her step-brother, handing back the lighter, "and this is Mike Newton"--he pointed to the blond--"and Tyler Crowley."--pointing to the brunet.

"Are you gonna be going to our school?" asked Mike.

Bella shrugged. "Probably," she answered, "I haven't really gone in about three months."

"That must have been nice," said Tyler wistfully.

"To be honest, I think I prefer school over the real world."

"Why's that?" asked James.

"Less freedom," Bella acknowledged, "but less stressful."

"Did you have a job?" Mike inquired.

"Working construction," Bella responded, nodding.

James laughed. "Are you serious? You look like you couldn't even lift a 2x4."

"I mostly did the nailing and the hammering." She smiled softly, remembering how Declan had always offered the hard work for her, even when he had his own.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" asked Mike boldly.

"Not anymore," replied Bella, "but I'm not looking, either."

"Ouch!" exclaimed Tyler, punching Mike in the arm.

"It was just a question," Mike muttered, blushing.

"Sure it was," mocked James before noticing Bella's wrist, "Hey! Sweet tattoo."

"Thanks," she replied, turning to display the one on her shoulder as well. Before Bella left, she had returned to the tattoo parlor to inscribe 'Ne jamais oublier' along the back of her right shoulder. She'd spent a long time deciding on a phrase, and had eventually settled on French for 'Never forget.' "I got my wrist done a few weeks ago, and they just did my back the other day."

She took a last drag, blowing smoke rings in the night air as she put it out. The boys spent the rest of their cigarettes trying to mimic the action, but only succeeded in coughing up clouds.

"We better get going," said Tyler, "See you on Monday, Bella."

"Gee, thanks," said James, "I'll see you on Monday, too, you know."

"Yeah, but we don't care about that," Mike replied as they walked away.

"Bye," called Bella before turning to James, "Going in?"

James nodded and followed her inside. "You going to sleep?" he asked.

"Nah," said Bella, "I don't really feel like sleeping. Wanna stay up with me?"

"Sure," responded James, and then added mock-sincerely, "We can have some precious sibling bonding time."

Bella laughed and patted him on the shoulder mockingly. "Step-sibling bonding time," she corrected him.

"I'll make the coffee."

Bella sat at the table rickety wooden table, James joining her after prepping the coffee machine. "So how's life in Forks for you?" she asked him.

"It's alright, I guess. A bit boring, but what can you do?"

"Move out, join the mafia, acquire a concubine..."

"I didn't mean it literally," James stopped her in amusement.

"And yet I proceeded anyway," she replied, "So how's the romance life? Got a girlfriend?"

"Nah," said James, "I broke up with her a week or so ago."

"Ah," replied Bella knowingly, "Didn't put out, did she?"

James threw his head back and laughed. "No, I had the opposite problem, actually--"

"She cheated on you?"

"No, she--"

"Sucked at sex?"

James sighed in mock aggravation. "Will you let me finish, woman?"

Bella mimed zipping her lips, folded her hands, and smiled at him sweetly. She motioned with her hand for him to proceed.

"Thank you," said James, "now, where was I? Oh, I--"

"Was about to tell me why your girlfriend was a whore," Bella interjected before gasping theatrically and throwing her hands to her mouth, "My bad. Just kidding. I won't interrupt anymore, I promise."

James rolled his eyes. "Anyway, she's had a crush on me for as long as I can remember, and I've known everyone here since we were babies. We were both at a party a few months ago, she'd only had a few wine coolers, but I was really drunk. One thing led to another, and.. well, I suppose it wasn't the brightest move to have sex with her, but it happened. The next day in school, she was acting like we were official or something, and when I tried to talk to her about it she told me that the night before had been her first time. I mean, how horrible is that supposed to make me feel? So I went out with her to try to make her happy, but after a few months I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't have any feelings for her at all."

Bella stared at him before laughing uncontrollably.

"Gee, thanks," said James, "laugh at my misfortune a bit louder, why don't you?"

"I'm sorry!" apologized Bella through her snickers, "But first of all, that was her first time? Get real."

"What are you talking about?"

"Okay," started Bella, "I'm going to teach you something about this... what was her name?"

"Jessica."

"Right, this Jessica. She's had a crush on you for as long as you can remember? And she wasn't very drunk, but decided to sleep with you anyway and then use it to her advantage the next day? _And_ when she realized her chance was slipping away, she tried to make you feel guilty by saying it was her first time? That's classic manipulation, step-brother dear. Even if it was her first time, she made the practically sober decision to lose it to someone who had a lot less control over his actions. You had every right to walk away."

"You really think so?"

"Of course! Don't you know anything about catty teenage girls?"

"Not really," admitted James, "Why do you guys have to be so damn confusing? Why can't you just ask the guy to go out with you?"

"Well, first of all, let's not include me in the catty teenage girl category. And second, this is high school you're talking about. Obviously, girls are retarded and are going to be confusing as hell."

James shook his head. "If you're right--"

"And I am."

"--then at least I don't have to feel guilty about breaking up with her anymore."

"That's the spirit!"

James got up and filled two mugs with the steaming and now ready coffee. Bella declined cream and sugar when he handed her one of the mugs, getting an, "Ugh, you drink it black?" in response.

"Not exactly," Bella laughed, pulling out a flask from her purse and dumping in a few shots.

James stared at her wordlessly for a moment as if trying to determine the best response before settling on, "You're disgusting."

"What, you don't want any?"

"No, I do," he assured her, "just not in my _coffee._ Ugh."

Bella laughed again, but humorlessly. "I find it makes anything taste better if you need it enough."

James raised an eyebrow. "Alcoholic?"

"Not really."

"Not really?"

"I don't think I have a problem."

"For the record," James teased her, "that's exactly the sort of thing someone with a problem might say."

Bella grimaced. "Maybe, but you don't have to worry. I'd rather not follow in Renee's footsteps."

James raised his eyebrows. "Renee's your mother, right?"

"Was," Bella answered nonchalantly.

"Right. I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be," she replied, suddenly overwhelmingly bitter, "I'm not."

James looked at her appraisingly. "Was she really that bad?"

Bella sighed and pointed to her still some-what swollen lip and the jagged scar she'd received when Renee slashed at her with broken glass. "She gave me these, and a bunch more I'd have to strip to show you," she said, determined to be casual, "And she threw me out a few months before she killed herself."

"Wow," said James in surprise, "Why did she throw you out?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," Bella answered shortly. James just nodded. "Besides," she continued, "you don't want me to bore you with all the gruesome details anyway."

"I'm sorry," James said for the second time, looking at Bella somewhat differently than just a few minutes ago.

"But anyway," Bella went on, "the other reason I was laughing at you was because almost the exact same thing happened to me, except I was the guy."

James grinned, glad for the change of topic. "Is that why you asked not to be included in the catty teenage girl category?"

"That, and do I look like a catty teenage girl to you?"

"No, you're looking more and more like a man."

Bella giggled, the effects of drinking on an hours earlier emptied stomach already having an effect on her.

"So what was his name?" James inquired.

"Declan."

"And what happened between the two of you?"

"He's had a crush on me for forever, like Jessica. When Renee threw me out, I took a bus to his place and asked him if I could stay there. We got really drunk, I got really upset, and I led him on. In the morning, I just decided to let him be happy."

"And it was okay for you to stay in your awkward relationship, but not for me?"

Bella shook her head and continued revealing personal information she probably wouldn't disclose while sober. "It's different. I made him think I loved him. I was the one doing the manipulating."

"Did you love him?"

"I think so," said Bella sadly, "after a while."

"So why'd you guys break up?"

Bella groaned. "We didn't, really. I left without telling anyone where I was going."

"_Why?_"

"I was freaked," answered Bella defensively.

"Because of your mom?"

"No."

"Then, why?"

Bella stood up and rinsed her now empty mug out in the sink. She turned back to James and quickly swallowed the remaining vodka from her flask. "I'd rather not talk about it."

James nodded. "It's probably best to tell me when you have full control over what you're saying."

She smiled in response. "That, too."

They stayed up for an hour or so longer getting acquainted with each other. At one point, they realized that Bella was a month and three days older than James, and she proceeded to tease him mercilessly about being the "baby" brother. Bella was surprised at how well they got along--it would be just her luck to be stuck in a house full of step-relations she didn't like who made awkward conversation only when required. But instead, she had somehow ended up with Michelle, probably the best mother in the world, and James, someone she was on the way to being genuine friends with. Maybe the universe was favoring her for once in her life.

_Don't get too hopeful,_ she thought.

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**A/N: The votes were overwhelmingly for the Cullens being vampires, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm contemplating whether or not it would be too much work to write a corresponding human story.. to be continued.  
**

** Other than that, I don't really have anything to say today, other than I had front row center seats for Spring Awakening on Broadway yesterday and it was the best fucking show ever. I've been listening to the music for about a year now and loved it, but it was so infinitely better onstage. Plus, Moritz was played by Blake Bashoff, who played Carl on Lost! Go buy tickets, or buy the CD or something (the title of this chapter is a title of a song from it--look up The Bitch of Living on youtube, they have a music video on.) D**

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	4. Chapter 4: Nothing Gets Crossed Out

**Chapter 4: Nothing Gets Crossed Out**

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"James! Get the hell up!" Bella screamed for the fourth time. It was her first day at Forks High School, and she didn't feel like being late.

"Alright, alright," mumbled James, rolling out of bed and brushing past Bella to the bathroom with a disoriented, glazed look in his eyes. She'd have to use her first pay check to get him an alarm clock, preferably one with the volume capability of a marching band. Bella had planned on spending the weekend searching for a place to work, but the first pizza parlor she'd walked in to had taken her on the spot. Apparently, with such a small population, there were few teenagers willing to take on a job at a pizza joint. All she'd had to do was come back the next day with her working papers and she was already working after school today. James thought she was crazy; the way he saw it, his parents didn't mind paying for him and neither did he. Bella had tried to explain that she wasn't comfortable mooching off of other people when she had spent her whole life fending for herself, but it was useless.

Bella poured herself a mug of hot black coffee, deciding to skip breakfast. She walked back towards her room to wait for James to finish showering, pausing to examine herself in the mirror along the way. She'd picked up hair dye while she was in town and had used it to revive her dark red locks. She hadn't gone to bed the night before, and so she'd had time to straighten her normally wavy hair, letting her long bangs fall sideways across her face. She'd gone heavy on the eyeliner today, and dressed herself in dark blue skinny jeans, a long sleeved purple shirt, and black flats to complete the ensemble. She wore her heart shaped pendant loosely around her neck, and laughed at how Renee would have reacted if she'd seen how Bella had painted it with "Fire Engine Red" nail polish.

James walked out of the showering while she was still trying to decide if she liked the way she looked or not, appearing ready to leave.

"How do guys _do _that?" asked Bella.

"Do what?" said James, grabbing a jacket and a cereal bar.

"Spend five minutes getting ready and still look fine."

"Good genes," he answered through a mouthful of his breakfast. Bella rolled her eyes again and dragged him out the door.

"Jesus, I didn't realize you were such a goody two shoes!" he said mockingly as she started the engine of her car.

Bella laughed. "I'm saving the bad impressions for after my first day. And if _you_ hadn't totaled your own car, I could've left without you."

James smiled, stretching and turning on the radio. "But it's nice, not having to walk again. And if you left without me, we'd miss quality time together."

"Exactly."

It didn't take long to find the high school, which looked more like a bunch of random buildings than an educational institution. James walked her to the office, where everyone seemed to have been expecting her. After a school where no one but her close friends noticed when she disappeared for months, it was unnerving. She examined her schedule and realized that James was only in one of her classes--third period English. Bella was somewhat disappointed. She was growing to like James, and he'd be a pleasant distraction from the sure to be useless rest of her classmates.

Every period was generally the same. The teachers would make her introduce herself, someone in the class would try to start conversation, and no matter how monotonous her responses were, they still seemed to be fascinated. Bella was surprised to realize that she'd already covered most of the material for her subjects in Phoenix, which was helpful. She was actually a good student when she applied herself, but it didn't happen very often. Knowing the curriculum in advance would hopefully help to offset the effects of her chronic slacking habit.

In second period Spanish, she met the Jessica Stanley James had told her about and confirmed the theory she'd explained to him immediately. The girl was a classic blond bimbo, and was ecstatic to be "friends" with the new girl. Okay, she might be judging the girl a bit too harshly, but Bella had very little patience for static, unoriginal people. She ended up walking to her lunch period alongside her, nodding her head and pretending to care about a single word coming out of the girl's mouth. Right when they entered the cafeteria, Jessica stopped her.

"Bella? Bella!"

Bella snapped out of her daydreaming, shocked that Jessica actually wanted a response. The girl was usually content with Bella nodding her head while she talked.

"Sorry, I got distracted," she apologized.

Jessica waved her hand. "It's fine. I just wanted to ask you... you're James's sister, right?"

"Step-sister."

"Yeah, exactly. You'd say you two are pretty close, aren't you?"

"Not really, I mean we only just met two days--"

"I need to ask you a huge favor."

Bella looked at the girl skeptically, hoping this wasn't going where she thought it was.

"Could you talk to him about me?" she asked quickly, the words coming out in jumbles. Bella almost asked her to repeat herself, but decided not to drag this out any longer.

"About what?" she said innocently.

"Well, you see... We were going out for a little over a month, and he just ended it out of nowhere. I've tried talking to him about it, but he always changes the subject. Is there any way you could--"

"Jessica, me and James are, like, the closest friends," Bella interrupted her in a valley girl voice, "and I really think that, you know, me and you could be the _best _friends ever. But James is just, like, not right for you at all, sweetie."

"You think so? Why?" asked Jessica seriously, unsurprisingly not noticing the change of tone in Bella's voice.

Bella leaned closer and whispered, "Because that Mike Newton is a_ total _hottie, and he definitely likes you."

Jessica looked at her with wide eyes. "_Really?_"

Bella nodded. "For sure. Don't waste your time on James when you could have _Mike Newton._"

"To be honest, I thought he liked you."

"Oh, please. I've seen the way he looks at you. And even if he does like me, I would, like, never stand in the way of a friend."

Jessica smiled, appeased. "We're going to be such great friends, Bella!" she squealed, linking arms with her as she pulled her into the cafeteria. Bella smiled at her good deed. She'd--hopefully--gotten Jessica off of James's back, but now she appeared to have a blond leech on her arm.

James had saved her a seat beside him and a girl from her trig class, Angela, who seemed like a nice enough person. Jessica smiled at James quickly before turning to Mike.

"Wow," muttered James under his breath to Bella, "She's not giving me the third degree today."

"You're welcome," was all Bella said. James began to ask her what she was talking about when she saw them. Sitting in a secluded corner of the cafeteria were five of the most beautiful people she'd ever seen. None of them were eating from their full trays of food, and they were all looking in different directions as if not aware of anything or anyone around them.

"Those are the Cullens," offered Mike, turning away from Jessica, who looked slightly scorned. She attempted to regain his attention by explaining, "Don't bother, Bella. They're all adopted, but they're all _together._"

"How are they all together?" she asked, "There are five of them."

"All of them are together except Edward," explained Mike, "but Emmett--the big one--is with Rosalie, the blond. And the other girl, Alice, is with the blond guy, Jasper."

"But Edward doesn't date," said Jessica, "Apparently he's too good for anyone here."

Bella raised her eyebrows. "Personal experience, Jess?"

Jessica blushed as the boys around her snickered, all of them apparently remembering an embarrassing and unrequited crush of Jessica's on the mysterious Edward Cullen. As if he had somehow heard them discussing him, Edward himself suddenly looked over at their table. A brief look of frustration crossed his face before he turned back around.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt," lied Jessica blatantly.

Bella smirked. "Maybe I'd have better luck than you did."

Jessica pursed her lips and quickly changed the subject to some boring question about English she directed to Mike. When she seemed satisfied that he was paying attention, Bella stood up from the table.

"I'm think I'm gonna skip out early," she announced.

"Want me to come with?" asked Tyler a bit too eagerly, Mike quickly mimicking his offer. Both the girl next to Tyler, Lauren or something, and Jessica glared daggers. This was going to get annoying.

"No, thanks," she answered, "I'm just gonna go get something from my car. You guys stay here."

Bella brushed the hair out of her face, crossing her arms as she walked out the door. For a second, she could've sworn she felt Edward Cullen's eyes on her back. He was quickly becoming the only single boy in this school who wasn't all over her, and it was getting a bit irritating. It was flattering, sure, but she really wasn't looking for a relationship right now, or even someone to fool around with, and she _really _didn't need to make any enemies out of the girls who followed them around like lost puppies.

With the campus being so small, it didn't take Bella long to reach her truck. She quickly unlocked the doors and pulled out her pack and lighter before looking around the parking lot for any teachers or administrators. When it was as empty as it was today, she'd normally just light up in the middle of the parking lot and hope no one came out. However, again, it was her first day, and she didn't want to screw anything up too quickly. Luckily, there were trees ten feet from where she'd parked that she was well hidden behind.

As she slowly burned the cigarette down to the filter, she checked her schedule for her afternoon classes, which happened to be biology and gym. _Wonderful_, she thought. Biology, she could take, but gym? Gym was nothing short of a nightmare for Bella. She could trip over air if she wasn't careful.

_Shit, _she thought as she heard the bell ring, _how is lunch already over?_ She threw the cigarette and started walking back towards the buildings. Mr. Banner was just finishing the attendance sheet when she reached the classroom.

"Sorry, I got lost," she lied smoothly, "It's my first day."

"Ah, Isabella Swan, is it?" he replied, "I understand. You can take a seat beside Cullen."

Edward Cullen was sitting at the only table with an unoccupied seat at the back of the room. Bella laughed under her breath at the look on Jessica's face as she walked towards him. As soon as she sat down, however, Edward stiffened and clenched his hands. He shifted to the edge of his seat, as far away from her as possible. Bella threw him a look. She didn't even know this guy and he was acting like she was the scum of the earth. The glint in his eyes reminded her of Renee, and she shuddered. Who did this Edward think he was?

She spent the rest of the period not paying attention in favor of getting increasingly frustrated with her rude companion. When the bell rang, he bolted from his seat almost as fast as Mike got up to ask her which class she had next (which, inconveniently for Bella, was the same as Mike's.)

"So what did you do to Cullen?" asked Mike curiously as they walked to gym together, "I've never seen him act that way before."

"Oh, wonderful," said Bella sarcastically, "then apparently there's just something about me that reduces him to a standoffish asshole."

Mike laughed at her. "Don't get too worked up about it. He's pretty antisocial."

The gym teacher allowed Bella to sit out for her first day, which was a relief. There was something about Edward that irritated her to the point that would make her klutziness deadly. The teacher wasn't paying attention to her--or anyone in the class, really--so she left fifteen minutes before the bell rang.

She'd already told James to get a ride home from someone else so she could head over to her other first day--the one at her job. Since she'd left early, though, she had free time that she used to look for a good book store. The only one she could find had a less than desirable selection, but it did have a good coffee section in the back. After purchasing a latte, she decided there was really nothing else to do and headed over to work early.

The manager beamed when he saw her walk in ten minutes before she was expected--it seemed that with so few teenagers willing to work there, even fewer were model employees. She was scheduled to work from three to five, which was a relatively slow time. The manager had a fellow waiter, Ash, train her for most of the two hours she was there, but as there wasn't too much to do, they spent most of the time talking. Ash had graduated from Forks last year, and was taking a year or two off to save up money for college. He had long, shaggy black hair and a nose piercing just like Bella's. They were both done at five o'clock, so he offered to show her around after work.

They took Ash's car--he refused to set foot in Bella's "senior citizen". However, the so-called tour only lasted the twenty minutes it took to drive around all of Forks and back to the Benny's Pizza parking lot, so they went on a cigarette run. Bella had only been here three days and was already getting low--and as she was not yet eighteen and no longer around her Phoenix friends and connections, she was lucky to have found someone to buy them for her so quickly.

After that, they drove around with no destination for a while. Ash asked her to pack his bowl with weed for him while he was driving, and then offered her some. Apparently, the second job he was working to save money for college was dealing, but he was only offering her the weed because he'd told her that "a pretty girl like you shouldn't touch the hard stuff".

"What the hell," said Bella in agreement as Ash handed her the bowl. As she raised it to her lips and tilted the lighter on the other end, she muttered, "Make me forget."

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**A/N: So, the Cullens are here! Kinda. Sorta. Almost**

**Review? :)**


	5. Chapter 5: A Lack of Color

**Chapter 5: A Lack of Color**

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The rest of the week passed in a blur for Bella. Ash now picked her up after school when she had to work and they drove over together, which had sparked some gossip. Apparently Ash had been somewhat of a legend at Forks, and almost every girl she talked to still had a crush on him. It actually turned out to be quite helpful in getting girls like Jessica and Lauren to stop obsessing over the guys they liked showing an interest in Bella, although the guys themselves were still quite annoying. She didn't even care to count how many times she'd had to direct a would-be awkward conversation in a different, platonic direction. It was, however, a nice self esteem boost for someone who didn't think of herself too highly--that was, when she wasn't telling herself that the people in Forks didn't see others very clearly.

Edward had been absent her second day of school, and had not since returned. Part of her worried that she was at fault, but the rest of her said that was ridiculous. She didn't even know the guy. Although, she hadn't known him the first day either and he'd acted strangely then..

_You worry about Edward Cullen too much_, she thought to herself as she sipped her coffee in the kitchen. James stumbled in the room, looking disoriented. "Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked her, still half-asleep.

"You looked peaceful," said Bella serenely.

"Bella, it's five minutes after school started! We're going to be late!"

"Yes."

"What happened to the Bella who threw a fit to get me out of bed on time?"

"I told you," Bella reminded him, "I was making a good first impression. I'm not your personal alarm clock now that the first week is over."

James grumbled and disappeared to his room, emerging only a few minutes later with bed hair and two different shoes on.

"No," said Bella, "Go get a shower. I'll take care of it."

"But--"

"Go!"

Fifteen minutes, one shower, and two more cups of coffee later, Bella and a much more awake James were on their way to school. The roads were iced over; the grass already accumulating a white blanket of snow. Bella shuddered--solid rain. Just perfect. When they parked and reached the office, she approached the secretary, Ms. Cope, with a nervous and frazzled face.

"I'm so sorry we're late!" she exclaimed, "I had horrible cramps this morning and I couldn't even find the ibuprofen, Ms. Cope, I could barely get out of bed. James didn't want me to miss school, so he drove to the store to get me some. Charlie had already left for work, and we didn't want to wake Michelle up, but I'm sure they'd vouch for us if you needed to call them. Is there any way you could just--"

"Write you a pass?" asked Ms. Cope, "Of course, dear. I understand. You're luck to have such a nice brother who would run to the store for you at his own expense."

James smiled awkwardly. "That's me," he said.

Bella had just enough time to hand the note to her first period teacher before the bell rang, which was perfectly fine with her. She'd already had enough of Mr. Newman's trig class to last her a lifetime. Angela met her at the door and they walked to Spanish together. She'd gotten to know the girl a bit over the last week, and she was turning out to be one of the only enjoyable people in this school. She was a very good listener, if sometimes a bit too quiet--however, a bit too quiet was always better than a bit too obnoxious, like some of the other girls Bella had been forced to associate with. Case and point--the girl who ran over to them the second they walked through Senora Neil's door, Jessica Stanley. Jessica wasn't as horrible as Bella had originally assumed, but her life was still too revolved around gossip and teenage boys for the two of them to become the good friends Jessica wanted them to be.

"Bella, I heard you were late this morning!" commented Jess before they'd even reached their seats.

"Yeah," said Bella dryly, "It's an epic tale which I see has already made its way around the school."

"Oh, Bella," she laughed, "You can tell me later."

Bella spent the rest of the day avoiding being included in various snowball fights that took place on the way to classes. Mike thought she was hilarious, but after she told him she would punch him in the nose if he tried anything ("jokingly", of course), he stuck to more willing targets. When lunch finally rolled around, Bella found herself glancing over to the Cullen table--an action which had become somewhat of a routine for her. But today, instead of the past week's usual four, there were five inhumanly gorgeous students gathered at the spot.

"Bella?" asked Angela softly.

"Sorry," she replied, realizing she'd been staring and following Angela to the lunch line. She loaded her try with a slice of generic, greasy pizza, a coke, and a bag of chips. When they reached the table, she found that the conversation was dominated by lamenting the snow's ending, and she silently cheered to herself. Instead of the snowball fight scheduled for the parking lot after school, they were now planning to go to back to the chief's house to watch a movie and hope the snow started again.

"You'll be there, right, Bella?" asked Mike.

She put down her slice of pizza and wiped her hands, and when she had chewed enough to swallow, she answered, "Can't. I have to work."

"Again?" said James, not bothering to rid his mouth of his own bite of pizza before speaking, "I'm telling you--"

"Charlie and Michelle don't mind paying for me. I know."

"You'll be there after work, though, right?" asked Tyler.

"Depends."

"On what?" said Jessica, "Whether you and_ Ashton Jones _want to do anything?"

Bella raised her eyebrows at Jessica's suggestive tone. "Maybe."

"Bring him back with you, then," offered Lauren.

"Yeah!" exclaimed Jessica, "He's beautiful, Bella. You should totally go after him."

"I'm really not interested in guys right now."

Jessica giggled. "Trying out lesbianism?"

"Not really," Bella mused, "but I did have a girlfriend a year ago."

The three boys (excluding James) at the table's eyes looked like they were about to bug out of their head. "_Really?_" they asked in unison.

Bella stood up to throw away her tray. "See you in gym, Mike."

Bella made her way to the bathroom, feeling faint. She hadn't kept anything down since last Friday, and she knew it would probably be best to let her body have something to digest, but she couldn't stand the heavy leaden feeling in her stomach that eating that disgusting pizza had given her. She heard the door open halfway through her routine, but couldn't bring herself to care. When she was done, she sat on the toilet for a moment until the dizziness went away, then wiped her face and emerged from the stall.

Alice Cullen was standing before her, her hair damp and messy, yet somehow still beautiful, from the snow. "Are you alright?" she asked with concern.

"Fine," said Bella as she washed her hands, "Just feeling a little sick."

"Do you want me to take you to the nurse?" she asked kindly.

"Really, it's fine," Bella assured her, "My stomach just didn't respond well to that pizza."

Alice smiled, as if at some inside joke. "Mine probably wouldn't either. I'm Alice, by the way."

She smiled back at her. "I'm Bella."

She walked to biology with her stomach doing little somersaults of nervousness at the thought of seeing Alice's brother again. Why was she acting like this? Edward Cullen was just a boy. Just a stupid, only human, boy.

She reached her seat, pretending to not even notice that he was there.

"Hello," greeted a quiet, musical voice from beside her. Edward was still sitting as far away as the table allowed, but his chair was slightly angled toward her. He, like his sister, looked like a model in a perfume commercial instead of the wet dogs the rest of her classmates resembled.

"Hi," she replied shortly.

"You're Bella, right? I'm Edward. I didn't get a chance to introduce myself last week."

Bella looked at him appraisingly, deciding to cut to the chase. "Yeah, what was up with that?"

"I was.. distracted. I had just received some bad news, and I realize now that I came off as rather rude."

Bella only nodded. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all; maybe he was just upset.. what was she doing? She couldn't stand this guy. Why was it getting so difficult to remember that?

Luckily, Mr. Banner chose that moment to explain the lab they would be performing--something about the phases of mitosis and onion root cells. It was lucky Bella had not chosen to be absent the day they'd done this with whitefish blastula in Phoenix, because she was having an especially difficult time concentrating.

"It's a shame about the snow, isn't it?"

"Not really."

Edward looked at her strangely. "You don't like the cold."

"Or the wet," she added.

"Forks must be a very difficult place for you to live."

Bella laughed darkly. "You have no idea," she muttered.

Edward propped his chin in his hand, giving Bella his full attention. "Why did you move here, then?"

"My mom died," she said. Why was she telling him this? "So I came to live with Charlie."

Edward frowned. "I'm sorry."

Bella rolled her eyes. She was getting really sick of hearing everyone refer to Renee as some saint whose time on earth had ended prematurely.

"Do you mind if I ask what happened to her?"

"Suicide." _Shut up, Bella!_

"I'm sorry," he reiterated.

"Don't be."

"Why?"

"Because she brought it on herself," she answered condescendingly.

Edward furrowed his eyebrows--his beautiful, symmetric eyebrows. "Someone very close to me attempted that once. Thankfully, she didn't die, and now no one regrets it more than her. I'm sure that wherever your mother is, she wishes she was with you."

Bella stared at him incredulously, the inability to focus gone. "You're unbelievable," she told him angrily, "You don't even know her."

Edward looked surprised at her reaction. "I'm just trying to say that people make mistakes, and although it was certainly a terrible thing to leave you alone, it's not healthy to be mad at her."

Bella didn't know whether to laugh or to scream. She decided on laughing. "Whether you think it's 'healthy' or not, I will _always _be mad at Renee. Killing herself was the only good thing she ever did for me."

"Cullen? Swan?"

Bella scooted back at the sound of their teacher's voice. She hadn't realized she and Edward had been inching closer in a staring match. Mr. Banner examined their answers. "Excellent work," he told them, "But next time, would you give your partner a chance at the microscope, Cullen?"

"Actually, Bella answered three out of five of the questions," Edward informed him.

"Ah," said Mr. Banner, "Have you done this lab before, Bella?"

"Not with onion root," she answered.

"Whitefish blastula?"

Bella nodded.

"Well, it's lucky you two are partners, then," he finished before moving on to the next group.

Bella grimaced. Lucky, indeed. One minute, she couldn't control what she was saying, and the next minute she got so angry with him she couldn't see straight. This Edward was making her bipolar.

"I'm really not making a good first impression, am I?" he asked with a crooked grin, "I apologize. I shouldn't have assumed anything about your mother."

Bella ran her hands through her hair and sighed. "I apologize for snapping at you."

"It's understandable. I'd probably react the same way."

Bella raised an eyebrow.

"Okay," he laughed, "Maybe I don't have as much of a temper as you seem to. But let's talk about something else, shall we?"

"Like what?"

"Hm.. I had to decline an invitation from Jessica Stanley to a movie party at your house today."

Bella laughed. "Yeah, I'm not going to that either."

"Why not?"

"Ash is picking me up for work after school," she informed him, "And I also, like you, don't really feel like spending time outside of school with people like Jessica and Lauren."

Edward furrowed his eyebrows again. "Ashton Jones?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said slowly, "Why?"

"It's nothing," he replied, "I just don't like him very much."

"Why's that?"

Edward gave her a strange look while Bella tried--unsuccessfully--to decipher what he was thinking. "I've seen the way he's treated girls."

Bella snickered. "You're worried about me getting taken advantage of?"

"He's done it before."

Her face spread into an uncontrollable grin. "Trust me," she told him, "I'm generally the one taking advantage."

Edward was examining her like a puzzle he couldn't quite fit the pieces to when the bell rang. "Later, partner," she said as she walked past him to the door.

"Cullen seemed friendly enough today," commented Mike on the way to gym, not sounding at all pleased about it.

Bella shrugged. "When he wasn't pissing me off."

And so began another day of the torture that was gym class. Mike chivalrously covered both of their positions, and Bella still somehow managed to get hit in the face with the ball. She had never been so happy to hear the screeching of the teacher's whistle signaling them to go get changed.

Mike walked with her to the parking lot, where Bella saw Ash's car was already waiting. She turned to say goodbye, but was interrupted by a loud, "Bella!"

Natalie was parked in front of the school, looking like she'd just stepped off of the beach--she was wearing sunglasses and shorts in the freezing post-snow weather. Bella dropped her books and almost tackled her friend in a hug, before getting a good look at her face and stepping back. "You're really pissed, aren't you?'

"You're damn right, I am," replied Natalie as she pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head, "What the hell were you thinking, Bella?"

Bella looked around and realized almost the whole school was outside watching the interaction--including the Cullens. "Look," she said, "Can we not do this here? I have to work, but I promise we'll talk later."

Natalie pursed her lips. "And what am I supposed to do until then?"

Bella grabbed her by the arm and dragged her back to the books she'd dropped, where Mike was still waiting. "Mike, Natalie, Natalie, Mike," she introduced them, "He's going back to my house. Follow him and I'll meet you after work at six."

Bella reached down and grabbed her books. Natalie's eyes softened, and she pulled her into another hug before quickly kissing her flat on the mouth. "I missed you, babe," she said, "But we need to talk."

"We will," Bella promised as she ran to where Ash was waiting, "I'll see you at six!"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**For those of you who didn't see Chapter 3 come out until Chapter 4 did, it's because I replaced the A/N about the Cullens being vampires or humans with the Chapter 3 content. Sorry about that. And thanks for the heads up, wingedspirit. I think that because Bella generally eats and purges rather than just not eating, the food left in her system in addition to the cigarette smoke was what caused Edward to react that way.**

**Thanks so much for your reviews, everyone! I love you all. Let me know if I did the Edward scene alright, will you? I liked it, but I'm still not quite sure about it.**


	6. Chapter 6: Rootless Tree

**Chapter 6: Rootless Tree**

* * *

Natalie pulled her rental car up to a quaint house surrounded by foliage that was apparently Bella's new home. She sighed as she turned off the ignition and stepped out of the car. She'd called Bella a few times in the week after she'd been forced to take her to Renee's, but otherwise had given her friend space. When she hadn't returned the calls in a week, however, Natalie had gone to see how she was doing... only to find that Renee was dead and Bella was nowhere to be found.

She'd spent a few days asking around to see if anyone knew where she'd gone, but the only information she could acquire dealt with the circumstances of Renee's suicide and the finding of her body; there was nothing heard of what happened to her surviving daughter afterward. She'd even attended her funeral in the hope that Bella would show up, but other than a distant cousin she doubted Bella had ever heard of, she was the only one there. Eventually, she checked the school to see if they had sent her records anywhere... and came up with Forks High School of Forks, Washington.

Of course, the name of the high school was the only information they were allowed to give her, so instead of a phone call or a letter (which probably wouldn't have been returned regardless), she'd taken a deposit from her savings and had flown up to see her. And then when she'd finally found her, Bella had acted like she'd done nothing wrong. Natalie knew the turmoil that must be plaguing her friend, but Bella's actions had caused turmoil of her own--and of Declan's. Honestly, she loved the girl to death, but sometimes she annoyed her to death as well.

There were three boys waiting when she reached the door. One of them was the Mike Bella had introduced her to, and the others she didn't recognize.

"Hi," said one of them, "This is Tyler and Mike, and I'm James. Bella's new step-brother."'

"Natalie," she greeted, "Bella's best friend and ex-girlfriend."

"She told us about that today!" Mike said enthusiastically as they entered the house, and then muttered under his breath, "Nice work, Bella."

Natalie laughed. "Sorry," she said, "but although Bella decided--unfortunately for her--that she liked men better, I'm still only interested in members of my own sex."

"Nothing I can do to change that?" asked Tyler unabashedly.

"You wouldn't be the first person who's tried, dear, and you're certainly not the cutest," she shot back.

James broke out in laughter. "What is it with you and Bella and shameless denials?"

"She learned from the best," Natalie replied smugly.

"What were you yelling at her about today?" asked Mike curiously.

Natalie's laugh faded and she sighed in exasperation. "She took off without telling anyone."

"Why?"

She shrugged.

"Well, what happened?" added Tyler.

"She was living with her boyfriend--or ex, or whatever the hell he is now--and something Bella would kill me if I told you about happened, so she made me drive her back to Renee's. When I checked up on her a week later, Renee was dead and Bella was gone. Mind if I make a pot of coffee?"

James laughed. "I think there's still some in there from this morning."

"Did she tell you or your parents what happened before she found Renee?" Natalie asked James as she followed him into the kitchen. James just shook his head as Natalie grabbed a seat. "Despite how annoying she's being, and how out of his mind she's driving Declan, I'm worried about her... mental state."

"She always seems fine to me," mused Mike.

Natalie laughed humorlessly. "Bella is very good at hiding her emotions--sometimes from herself. Thanks," she added as James handed her a mug, and reached into her purse.

"Please don't tell me you drink it the same way Bella does at night," he begged her.

Natalie laughed again, genuinely this time. "Who do you think she learned it from?" she said as she unscrewed her flask. The three of them were alerted to the remainder of the party arriving by a loud honking from the driveway. "And now we drop the subject of Bella before I say too much."

"Fair enough."

Three girls entered the house with soda and chips in tow, which was probably why they had arrived later than the three boys. "Where are your movies, James?" asked the tall blond one.

"Next to the TV, Lauren," he replied, "Jess can show you."

Natalie remained in the kitchen with her coffee, the boys, and the third girl (who was introduced to her as Angela) while Jessica and Lauren debated the finer points of chick flicks versus horror movies. When they emerged from the living room with their selection in tow, Natalie had to put her foot down.

"Are you joking?" she asked, "_The Notebook? _Not only is that one of the worst movies ever made, but do you really think the three guys here are going to want to watch that?"

Jessica looked affronted. "Well, I didn't see you making any suggestions."

"Let me raid Bella's room and see if she brought any decent movies with her."

James showed Natalie to Bella's new bedroom, where she spent five minutes searching for her stash of books and DVDs before triumphantly returning with _Stay _and _Lars and the Real Girl._

"Here's two movies Ryan Gosling doesn't have to be ashamed of," she announced, "You champs decide which one we're watching."

Jessica and Lauren threw her an annoyed look, obviously not fond of the new girl's attitude. Natalie just laughed silently to herself--the guys, at least, were grateful they didn't have to sit through hours of Ryan Gosling pledging his undying love to Rachel McAdams. They eventually decided on _Stay_--the girls weren't too thrilled with the prospect of watching Ryan Gosling pledge his undying love to a doll in _Lars and the Real Girl_. Jessica sat next to her during the movie, trying to pry information on Bella out of her in a fashion that she probably thought was discreet for the entirety of the time Natalie sat there. After the fourth time this happened, she got up "for another cup of coffee" and sat down next to Angela on her return. Angela smiled at her, but otherwise focused her attention on the movie, which she appeared to be enjoying. So far, Angela was in the lead for The Least Annoying Girls Race.

* * *

Bella slowed to thirty miles per hour when she reached the back roads--her ancient truck would thank her for the break, and she was in no hurry to get home. And she did consider it home--even after only a week, this place felt more like it to her than any other. Of course, she'd always felt at home with Declan and Natalie and a few of her other close friends, but she'd also felt that, with them, she'd had to grow up far too fast. Here, she could just be a kid. She didn't have to be the druggie whose alcoholic mom beat her. She didn't have to be the too-skinny girl with an eating disorder... although she chose to be, regardless. _And I don't have to be the girl who killed her own child, _she thought, flinching.

But how could she explain that to Natalie? Natalie had saved her life on more than one occasion, and Bella knew that no matter how stupid her little escape had been, she would be forgiven. No matter the circumstances, Natalie was there for Bella. That's the kind of person Natalie was, and that's the kind of person Bella wanted to be. But she hadn't been. The second something in her life became too much and she found an escape, she dropped her friends--her family--for a new one. She wanted Natalie to scream at her about what a horrible friend and disgusting person she was, but Bella knew that after the initial anger, Natalie would welcome her back with open arms. And that would make Bella feel worse than anything else that could happen.

Even obeying the speed limit like a good little citizen, she soon pulled into her driveway, cursing how small the town was the whole time. Natalie was got up from the couch the second she walked in, probably having heard her monster of a truck roll in noisily a moment before. Bella threw her keys on the table and motioned for her friend to follow her outside. Bella sat down on the porch steps before asking, "How is he?"

Natalie remained expressionless. "Worried about you."

Bella bit her lip. "Did you tell him?"

"Where you are, or what happened?"

"What happened."

"No, because of that _stupid_ promise I made to you."

Bella sighed in relief. "Thank you."

"I'm going to tell him where you are, though, and don't think he won't visit."

Bella just nodded.

"Oh, sweetie," said Natalie, her face softening, "You're falling apart, aren't you?"

Bella bit her lip to hold back the tears and looked away. "C'mon," said Natalie, pulling her up by the arm and leading her to the side of the house with no windows for better privacy. She pulled Bella into a hug and stroked her long hair as the tears began to fall.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she choked out, "I've been an awful friend, an awful girlfriend, and an awful person."

"Bella, look at me," Natalie said, grabbing her by the shoulders. Bella fought back the urge to wipe her face and pretend that nothing was wrong. Natalie was one of the only two people in this world Bella allowed to see her like this, but sometimes it was still uncomfortable to let her in. "You're not a bad person, you just made a bad decision. I'm not gonna hold it over you, and Declan's not going to either. But you need to talk to him."

"I'm scared," Bella whispered.

"I know," Natalie replied sadly, pulling her into another embrace, "but Bella, what happened was not your fault."

"How was it--"

"Listen to me. You didn't know you were pregnant! If you had found out, you would've been more careful. You're too nice to let anything happen on purpose. You are _not _Renee, so stop comparing yourself to her!"

"It doesn't matter," said Bella, "Whether I meant for it to or not, it still happened."

"Shit happens, Bella, you of all people should know that! My past isn't all that peachy either, but you know what? It's in the past. I move on. Sometimes it keeps me up at night, but I won't let it take over my life, and you can't, either."

Bella kept her eyes squarely focused on the grass. "What am I gonna do without you?" she asked, an attempt at a smile on her face.

Natalie laughed. "Frankly, I'm not quite sure how you made it this long," she joked before adding seriously, "You're gonna be fine, hon. I haven't bought a ticket back yet, so I can stay as long as you need me to, but you're going to be fine. I know you will."

Bella tried smiling again, a weak but present one appearing on her face. "How long do you want to stay?"

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter kinda sucks a bit. I know it's short and I wanted to go longer, but I'm currently lending my copy of Twilight to my friend Cory, and if you guys could help me out I'd really appreciate it. Is the timeline people asking Bella to the dance, then Tyler's accident, then shopping for the dance/dinner with Edward, then the meadow? I'm not sure if the dance comes up before the accident or not. Thanks guys. :)**


	7. Chapter 7: Conspiracy

**Chapter 7: Conspiracy  
**

_Disclaimer: All the characters and parts of the Twilight plot line are Stephenie Meyer's. Some dialogue in this chapter is similar to that of Stephenie Meyer's in Twilight.  
_

* * *

Bella slowly came to consciousness, stretching and hitting a still dead asleep Natalie with her arm in the process. Her head started pounding the moment she sat up; her stomach a churning knot of nausea. She groaned and rolled back over, using her arm to block out the maddening light she'd forgotten to turn off the night before. Charlie and Michelle had gone to some charity dinner Michelle was hosting the night before while James had slept over at Tyler's house, so Natalie and Bella had decided on a girl's night in--a girl's drinking night in, that is. Bella glared at Natalie at the thought of her friend being able to sleep till noon while she had to trudge up to school in the malevolent snow. She slowly threw the covers off her still-dressed body, willing one body part to move at a time until she was finally able to maneuver herself out of bed.

She stumbled blindly to the kitchen, holding on to the walls for support. She downed six ibuprofen and a glass of water before refilling the glass and walking outside with her pack of Turkish Royals. She spent twenty of the thirty minutes she had before leaving for school smoking five Royals, stopping only to get more water for her alcohol dehydrated body. Feeling infinitesimally better, she returned to her room and threw her hair in a messy bun, hoping more makeup than usual would help disguise her haggard, hungover appearance. When she was satisfied with her work, she threw a kiss to her near comatose friend and grabbed her keys and a few water bottles. If she had remembered to down this much water last night, she might not have this problem, but she'd been too distracted by Natalie's antics to get more than a glass or two in.

The ride to school wasn't made any easier by the layer of ice covering the roads. While pulling into the parking lot, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and nearly swerved into a parked car trying to answer the call.

"Hey, babe," said Natalie on the other end sleepily.

"This better be good," she replied in an irritated tone, "I almost killed myself trying to get my phone."

"Well, that's not my fault, now is it?"

"Actually--"

"How do I get to the supermarket?"

Bella paused. "Why?"

"I need hangover supplies, silly," Natalie replied as Bella turned off the ignition and stepped out of the car. She threw her bags on the roof and leaned against the door before answering.

"It's past the high school, right off of the highway."

"Which highway?"

"The _only _highway," Bella answered, surveying the parking lot in boredom. Edward Cullen was stepping out of his car along with his siblings; Tyler Crowley's van was just pulling in.

Natalie began talking again, but her voice was drowned out by the screeching of the van's wheels along the ice. Bella looked up, her heart lurching as she realized the very vehicle sliding out of control was the one fast approaching the spot she was standing in. She didn't have time to run, but for a split second, she wasn't upset about it. She was so tired of faking a smile through the monotony of her new life... she would never sink to Renee's level and bring a selfish death such as suicide on herself, but this was different.. and she was so tired...

Bella dropped her phone and waited for impending relief.

But what hit her was not the compilation of metal and rubber she'd been expecting--suddenly, a cold and hard body was rolling her underneath the van. She thought she felt her head hit the concrete, but everything was blurry and she couldn't be sure. It was almost as though the van was being _lifted_ above her body and suspended until she was safely pushed backwards. And then everything snapped back into focus. Edward Cullen was inches away from her, his hands steadying her shaking shoulders.

"Bella? Are you alright?" he whispered in a concerned voice.

"Fine," she replied, still dazed, and attempted to get up. Edward tightened his grip on her before she could move.

"Be careful," he commanded her, "I think you hit your head pretty badly."

Bella tilted her head to see if it hurt at all. If she was in any pain from the blow, she couldn't tell under the still raging headache she'd acquired from her hangover. "Nope," she replied, shaking her head, "I'm good."

People were screaming her name, worried she was injured or dead or trapped beneath the van. "Stop," she whispered raggedly, pressing her fingers to her temples.

"I thought you said it didn't hurt."

Bella waved her hand at him. "Not from this," she said before glancing behind him. There was a strange dent in Tyler's van, a dent that didn't look like it had been caused by Bella's truck, a dent that looked suspiciously like it would conform to Edward's shoulders perfectly...

"How did you get over here so fast?" she asked.

"I was standing right next to you," he replied seriously.

"You were standing by your car. I saw you."

Worry lit up Edward's perfect features. "No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you were," she insisted stubbornly.

"Bella. I was standing with you, I pulled you out of the way."

"I know what I saw."

"You hit your head pretty hard," he told her patronizingly, "And you reek of alcohol. No one's going to believe you."

Bella sniffed her arm self-consciously. She didn't smell anything.

"No," she amended, "But they'll believe Tyler."

Edward looked at her pleadingly. "Please."

"Why?" she whispered.

"Just trust me."

"Do you promise to explain everything later?"

"Fine," he said irritably.

"Fine."

The paramedics stepped through the wreckage unexpectedly. Bella had been so disoriented and so enraptured by her companion that she hadn't noticed them working on moving the van. Edward stood up and casually waved off the stretcher being offered to him. Bella tried to do the same, but stumbled on her way up and was rewarded with an, "I think she hurt her head," from Edward. She glared, trying to convey every ounce of hate in her body to him as she was forced to endure a paramedic strapping a brace on her neck to the audience of seemingly the entire school. _This is so not what I needed today, _she thought in humiliation as they loaded her into the ambulance with a gurney. Edward was sitting calmly in the front--without a neck brace or any other of the unnecessary attention that Bella was being showered with. Maybe if she stared at him long enough she could burn holes in his stupid shirt...

* * *

Bella stared at the ceiling as they wheeled in Tyler Crowley next to her. She winced--he hadn't faired as well as she had. Probably because he didn't have a maddening, super-humanly fast, secretive Edward Cullen protecting him with his shoulders of steel.

She was positive of what she'd seen. And she would make him admit it.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Tyler said hurriedly when the nurses set him down, "I was going too fast, and--"

"It's okay, Tyler."

"But I could've killed you! I'm so s--"

"Really, Tyler, Edward was standing next to me and pulled me out of the way. I'm fine."

"Really? I didn't see him there." He paused. "I guess things happened too fast for me to notice."

Bella shut her eyes tightly and ignored him. She really didn't feel like dealing with an overly apologetic teenage boy right now.

"Is she sleeping?" inquired a soft, musical voice from the other side of the room. Bella's eyes snapped open and resumed their staring angrily.

"Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry--" started Tyler, but Edward raised his hand to stop him.

"No blood, no foul," he said as he sat on the edge of Tyler's bed and glanced toward me, "What's the verdict?"

"I'm absolutely fine and they won't let me go," she replied stormily, "How is it you're not strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?"

Edward chuckled softly. "It's all about who you know," he answered.

"Miss!" called a nurse from outside the room, "You can't go in there!"

"Like hell I can't," replied a familiar voice as its owner came through the door, "Hello, Bella."

Bella smiled. "Hi, Natalie."

Natalie crossed the room, pushing Edward out of the way to gather Bella in a long hug. "You scared the living shit out of me, babe."

"I'm sorry. I'll... try not to get hit by vans anymore?"

"You'd better," Natalie warned her before turning to the rest of the room's occupants, "Who are these people?"

"That's Tyler," Bella said as Tyler waved weakly from the bed, "And this is--"

"Edward," he greeted, shaking Natalie's hand smoothly, "You're the girl who was yelling at Bella after school the other day, aren't you?"

"That's me," she affirmed with a grin as the nurse came running in.

"Miss," said the nurse anxiously, "I'm sorry, but in this condition, the patients are not ready for visitors."

"What about him?" she asked, pointing to Edward.

The nurse looked flustered. "Well, his father--"

"Is fine with one friend in the room," finished a melodic voice from the doorway. The doctor looked to be in his mid-twenties, but must have been older. He had sleek blond hair, golden eyes, and looked like he'd stepped straight out of Hollywood. He had to be Edward's father.

The nurse nodded and stepped out of the room quickly. "I'm Dr. Cullen," he continued, before assuring her that she was going to be fine--something Bella already knew. He checked her head, lightly probing the injured area that Bella could now separate from her diminishing hangover. She felt herself grimace lightly. "Tender?" he asked her.

"A bit," she admitted, "but it's nothing unbearable."

"Would you like to rest here for a while?"

"No.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Well, I think your father is waiting for you, so if you feel up to it, you're free to go. Come back if you feel dizzy or have problems seeing, alright?"

"Sure."

Dr. Cullen looked down at his charts a final time. "Sounds like you were extremely lucky," he said.

"Yeah," answered Bella, frowning, "Lucky Edward was standing next to me."

The doctor furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh, well, yes," he said distractedly as he moved on to Tyler's bed.

Bella looked up at Natalie and felt the memory of the last time they'd visited the hospital together come crashing down upon her. She closed her eyes as her face contorted in a mask of pain.

"Bella?" asked Natalie softly. Bella opened her eyes. Both Natalie and Edward were looking at her with worried expressions.

"I hate hospitals," she whispered.

"Of course, sweetie." Natalie smiled sadly and helped her up from the bed.

"Can you wait here for a second?" Bella asked her. When a look of confusion appeared on Natalie's face, she motioned to Edward and explained, "I need to talk to him for a second."

"Your father is waiting for you," he said in a reserved tone.

"Then Natalie can go tell him that I'm fine and he can go back to work."

Edward rolled his eyes, but walked out the door and waited for her to follow. Something about his stance told her that he wouldn't have agreed if he wasn't worried about her.

"What do you want?" he asked shortly when they reached a near empty hallway.

"You owe me an explanation," she reminded him.

"I just saved your life, Bella. I don't owe you anything."

"Oh, Charlie?" she pretended to summon the police chief, "I saw Edward across the parking lot before the van hit me. He ran over and pulled the van off of me in less than a second, it was all very strange."

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Are you... blackmailing me?"

"That depends," she answered, "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Edward paused. "I'll make you a deal," he said slowly, "If you guess right, I'll tell you."

"That seems a bit unfair."

"Not to me."

"Not _for _you, you mean."

"Bella--"

"If I agree to your stupid deal and I don't guess right, will you tell me?"

Edwards lips quirked. "Eventually."

Bella sighed in aggravation.

"You'd be dead right now if it weren't for me, Bella," he told her, "It's the least you can do."

"Yeah, well, maybe I'd be better off," she muttered under her breath.

Edward snapped his eyes to hers. Had he heard her? "What did you say?"

Bella swallowed. "I said... why did you even bother?"

Edward's eyes softened. "I don't know."

Bella stepped back, stung. She quickly masked her face with indifference and turned on her heel to find Natalie. She had a lot of venting to do.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who answered my question about the Twilight time line, and to everyone who reviewed. Love you guys! Hope you liked the chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8: Nine Crimes

**Chapter 8: Nine Crimes  
**

_Disclaimer: All of the plot lines and characters from Twilight are Stephenie Meyer's._

* * *

"Where the hell is the organic aisle, Bella?" asked Natalie in frustration.

"I've never been here before, Natalie," Bella deadpanned for the third time, "and if I had, I wouldn't have been in the organic aisle."

"Well, we're never going to be able to make vegan cookies if we don't find it--oh, there it is!"

Bella looked up in surprise. She didn't think a supermarket in a town as small as Forks would carry any of the things Natalie was looking for, but sure enough, they were lined up in a row where she was pointing. Natalie had announced that the perfect thing to do after Bella's hospital trip was to bake cookies--and as Natalie was a vegan and didn't eat animal products, she was making it especially difficult to find the ingredients needed for them. She threw soy milk, a tub of soy margarine, and organic chocolate chips into her ever-growing pile of groceries before picking up a package of tempeh bacon, announcing that she'd be needing it later. Bella laughed to herself as she remembered the first time Natalie had told her she was vegan--she'd asked if it was some kind of disease. She'd expected her friend to get bored of it eventually (as she did with most of her interests), but three years later it had proved not to be a phase.

"So I've been thinking," said Natalie, examining a package of soy cheese, "How would you feel about me getting my own place?"

"Charlie and Michelle don't mind having you over," replied Bella absentmindedly as she examined a shelf of gluten free baking mixes.

"I know, but I was thinking something more... permanent."

Bella whipped her head around to face her friend. "Seriously? What about Phoenix?"

"There's really nothing for me there. I'm done with high school, my parents are dead, I've got a crappy job... I was thinking that maybe I could do what your friend Ash is doing and save money up for a few years--then, by the time you went to college, I'd have enough to go, too."

Bella grinned widely. "I love that idea."

Natalie set down the soy cheese and was silent for a moment. "The thing is," she began, "You know that if I decided to move here, I'd have to tell Declan where I was. And why I was here."

Bella nodded slowly. "I have to talk to him eventually."

Natalie put a hand on Bella's shoulder. "I'll be there the whole time if you need me to," she offered before clapping her hands and saying, "Now let's go pay!"

* * *

"Isn't there _anything _I can do?" asked Bella in annoyance. Each time she'd tried to measure, mix, or pour anything, Natalie had slapped her hand away and directed her to a seat at the kitchen table.

"Bella, sweetie," Natalie said patronizingly, "You remember the last times I let you help, don't you?"

"Yes," Bella grumbled, feeling like a child. Natalie would never let her live down the time she'd left the fork in the blender, or tried to melt an unwrapped bag of chocolate chips in the microwave, or any of the other countless times she'd created a mess for Natalie to take care of.

"Isn't this whole making cookies thing supposed to be to help me feel better?" she asked.

"No, the eating part is supposed to make you feel better." Natalie cut off the top of a bag of chocolate chips with scissors, filled a measuring cup with them, and handed it to Bella carefully. "Look! I'll let you pour in the chips."

"Gee, thanks."

Bella dumped the cup in the bowl of dough and reached for the spoon to mix them in, but Natalie got to it before she did and exiled her back to the table.

"See," said Natalie brightly, "you helped!"

Bella wasn't as deficient when it came to cooking actual meals--she was rather good, after all the practice Renee had forced her to undertake. She'd enjoyed cooking when she had first started doing it, but after an incident in which Renee burned Bella's hand on the stove top for not having the food ready in time, cooking had become just another thing she resented about living at home. Renee never asked Bella to bake for her, and so Bella had never bothered to learn--she knew that if she did, Renee would eventually take the joy out of it.

_Renee is dead, Bella, _she reminded herself, _you never have to worry about her again._

She sometimes found it difficult to remember that her so-called mother wasn't just lurking around the corner, waiting to pounce at the first sign of weakness. Life in Forks was light years different from life in Phoenix. And after seventeen years of Phoenix life, she occasionally forgot that she'd escaped it.

"You can give some of these to Edward tomorrow," said Natalie, breaking Bella out of her reverie, "to thank him for, you know, you not dying."

"I already thanked him," said Bella tersely. She hadn't told a soul about the impossible rescue--not even Natalie. She felt guilty keeping it from her, but for some reason, the thought of breaking her promise to Edward made her feel even worse.

"If I were you, I would find other ways of _thanking him, _if you know what I mean," said Natalie suggestively.

"Natalie, you don't even like men!"

"That doesn't mean I can't think they're sexy, and Edward is _fine, _Bella."

Bella moaned. "I don't care how 'fine' he is, he annoys the hell out of me."

"Why?" inquired Natalie, licking the batter from the spoon as she set the timer on the oven.

"He's just so... cryptic."

"And?"

"_And_, whenever I'm around him, I'm angry one minute and I can't figure out what to say the next, and sometimes when he looks at me I can't catch my breath, and--oh my god, I like him."

"I knew it!" shrieked Natalie, "There was so much sexual tension in that hospital room."

Bella snorted. "Don't ever use that sentence again."

Before the conversation could continue, however, Michelle arrived home after being cut from work early. She was overjoyed to see that Natalie had made cookies for her to come home to ("and Bella helped," Natalie said graciously). Michelle loved Natalie, but then again, Michelle loved everyone--and everyone loved Natalie--so it wasn't much of a surprise that the two of them got along so well. It was fortunate, though, for having Natalie stay with them was one of the only things keeping Bella sane. The chief had been a bit more hesitant than his wife at taking in another teenage girl--one that wasn't even related to him--but Michelle insisted that he allow it, and he'd caved.

"Are you feeling better, dear?" Michelle asked Bella.

"Much better, thanks," she replied, "I don't think I hit my head very hard."

"Do you need anything? Water? Tea?"

"I'm fine, really."

"Let me know if you change your mind," said Michelle as the oven rang and Natalie took the first batch out of the oven, "Those look wonderful, Natalie."

"Oh, guess what, Michelle?" said Natalie while the two of them stole a cookie, "I'm getting an apartment in Forks!"

"You're kidding!" said Michelle, "This is delicious, by the way. And that's such great news! You have to let me help you look for one."

Natalie laughed. "Of course. I'll be needing all the help I can get."

Sensing that the two of them were engrossed by their conversation, Bella retreated to her room. She didn't feel like hurting Natalie's feelings by not eating any of the cookies when she was offered some, but she also wanted to give her raw throat a break--and she knew that if she accepted food right now, it would just come back up in a few minutes.

Her mind was spinning from the realization that she liked Edward. She'd made a promise to herself when she came here that she wouldn't get involved with anyone, and she intended to stick to it. She'd already more than proven that she was an unfit girlfriend, and even if she managed to find a functional relationship, she didn't deserve it. People always got hurt when they got close to her--Natalie was only still around because she was too stubborn to give up on Bella when she disappointed her, but Bella had hurt her in the past all the same. Declan had escaped her wrath for so long because she'd never felt romantically about him, but that ended up wounding him anyway. She was a selfish person, and she kept herself at a distance from most people because she was well aware of it.

The way Bella saw it, there was three things that could happen with Edward. One, they would be happy together, and she would fuck it up. Two, they would be happy together, but he would find out about her past and be scared off by it. And three, she could admit to liking him and have him not feel the same.

None of those were roads she wanted to go down, so therefore, liking Edward Cullen was pointless and irresponsible. She could keep associating with him as "just friends", but she didn't trust herself to not pursue it further if she kept talking to him. So instead, nothing could happen with Edward. Nothing at all.

She had to make it over before it ever began.

* * *

Bella spent the next day of school answering questions regarding the accident from virtually everyone. Sure, the ordeal had proven to be useful yesterday in excusing her from the redundancy of school, but she was beginning to question if her day off was worth it. She half expected someone to pop out from behind every corner with a camera, and she'd even dramatized her head injury in earshot of her English teacher so she could escape the chaos with a pass to the "nurse".

The most annoying aspect of the whole fuss was the fact that no one was pestering Edward with inquiries about the intimate details. She explained over and over again that she owed her life to the guy, and no one even thought to ask for his account. Well, they probably _thought _about it, but then dismissed it like they were talking about some celebrity. Ridiculous.

She entered the biology classroom with an indifferent expression masking her face and sat down without a word. Her companion's fist were clenched, but he remained equally as silent. The slow trickle of their classmates filled the room, talking exuberantly about their plans for the weekend, or something equally mundane.

"Bella?" said Edward abruptly. She turned her head to indicate she was listening but otherwise remained tacit. "I don't think it would be... prudent for us to be friends."

"I completely agree."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Look at that! Two updates in two days! (Well, it's 12:46 AM, so it's technically three days, but fuck technicalities!) I did a lot of mapping out the story today, so hopefully that'll help me get the updates out quickly.**

**Thanks for all your reviews! Getting some on this chapter would be much appreciated. :)**


	9. Chapter 9: Card House Dreamer

**Chapter 9: Card House Dreamer**

_Disclaimer: All of the plot lines and characters from Twilight are Stephenie Meyer's._

* * *

Two weeks had passed since Bella's last interaction with Edward. The only time she ever heard his voice was when Mr. Banner asked him a question in biology. Mike, at least, seemed pleased with the lack of friendly discourse between the two--it seemed as though he was worried that after Bella singing his praises for saving her life, she would pursue something further between them. She had found herself on multiple occasions wanting to scream at him that the reason she wasn't talking to Edward was the very reason she and Mike could never be together, even if she liked him as more than a friend.

Even without interacting with Edward--and even though there had hardly been any before--she couldn't make herself stop liking him. The velvet sound of his voice, the way his eyes sometimes flicked to her when he thought she wasn't looking, the ease with which he answered Mr. Banner's questions as though he'd been through it all dozens of times before... it scared her that she couldn't simply shut off her emotions, which was ordinarily something she was very skilled at.

Natalie had gotten a job at the bookstore Bella had stopped in before her first day of work. It paid decently, but not as well as she needed it to if she would have enough for college in a year and a half's time. However, she'd told Bella that if she combined another part time job with her savings, she'd only need a few loans from the bank. She still hadn't decided as to what she wanted to go to college to learn; all either of them knew was that they didn't want to turn out like some of their friends from Phoenix.

And so it happened that Bella found herself alone at seven o'clock on a school night. Normally, Natalie worked during the school day and saw her at night (she was still in the process of finding her own place to stay), but today she had been asked to fill in for a co-worker. James was playing video games, so she didn't even have the option of watching TV. Not wanting to spend the whole night sitting in front of her computer, she dialed Ash's number on her phone.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hey Ash, it's Bella. Are you doing anything right now?"

"Just getting started on that coconut rum we bought last time, you wanna join me?"

"Sure, I'll be there in fifteen."

Bella threw off the pajamas she'd been lounging in, comfortable as they were. She picked up a pair of black leggings, a frayed jean skirt, a red cami, and a black sweater. She threw on her pendant and a pair of red flats, reapplied a bit of eyeliner, and shoved her phone in her skirt pocket.

"Hey, James," she called. He was so enraptured by the game that he didn't seem to hear her. Typical boy. "James," she repeated, sitting down next to him.

"Give me a second," he said distractedly, cutting off the head of one of his enemies before pausing the game. "What is it?"

"Can you give me a ride over to Ash's place?"

"Bella, you're the one with the car, remember?"

She rolled her eyes. "Right, but I'm not going to want to be driving myself home."

James gave a loud sigh of mock aggravation. "Jesus, Bella, you're so demanding!"

"Suck it up," she teased him, "I'll get Natalie to drive me back."

James laughed. "No problem," he said before ruffling her hair, "You're such a safe little drinker! Just let me finish this level."

Bella spent the time James needed to kill even more pixels fixing her hair from his ruffling. When he was finally satisfied, he grabbed her keys and had them quickly snatched back by his step sister.

"I just need you to come along so you can drive it back," she said, "Get in the car."

James complied bitterly, complaining about her stereo the entire way there. She told him that if it bothered him so much, he could buy her a new one, but he said he'd rather save money for buying himself a new car--"with a better stereo than yours".

"Get out of here," she told him when they arrived.

"Gee, you're welcome," he shot back, "Glad to know this favor was appreciated."

"Thanks!" she called, knocking on the door as James drove away noisily.

"Hey," Ash slurred as he opened the door and led her to the kitchen, gesturing to the open liquor cabinet, "Help yourself."

Bella searched the cluttered fridge for pineapple juice to mix with the coconut rum, throwing in some grenadine for good measure. The rum that they'd bought last week was already a quarter gone--and she was fairly certain that Ash had opened it tonight. _Guess I'll definitely be needing that ride from Natalie, _she thought before joining her friend in the bedroom. He was sprawled across his mattress, gazing at the TV adjacent to the bed. She kicked off her shoes and sat down next to him, sipping her drink while trying to determine what movie was playing. It was an old, black and white feature on AMC that she didn't recognize. She tried asking Ash if he knew the name of it, but he just mumbled a negative and snaked his arm around her waist. He rested his head on her shoulder and she chugged the rest of her drink and smiled. She loved drunken cuddling.

The woman with the pearl necklace was throwing a lamp at her cheating husband the second time they watched the movie when Ash pressed his lips into her collarbone. Bella tensed.

"Ash," she said warningly.

"Mmm," was his only response. He rolled over so that he was on top of her and brushed the hair out of her face. "I love you," he said before kissing her. For a moment, she relaxed into the embrace, but the stale taste of alcohol on Ash's breath brought her back to reality.

"We can't do this," she said, breaking away as he trailed pecks along her neck. When his hands found the zipper on her sweater, she pushed him off and sat up. "Ash."

"Why not?" he asked, suddenly angry.

Bella looked at him sadly, flashing back to when she had let go of her inhibitions with Declan. "Because I don't love you."

For a instant, hurt glimmered in her friends eyes. But afterwards, it was replaced with unmistakable, drunken fury. He threw her back down and ripped the sweater off, throwing it carelessly across the room. She tried to push him off again, but he was too strong--or she was too frail. Either way, she couldn't get him off as he removed her skirt, and she started to panic. "Ash," she said pleadingly, "Stop."

He silenced her pleas with his mouth, his hands everywhere on her body. "You know you want it," he said huskily, grabbing her ass roughly. And for a second, she wasn't in Ash's room, on Ash's bed, with Ash on top of her. She was lying terrified on her own bed in Phoenix with her mother's boyfriend on top of her, doing things Renee had told her to save for marriage, and whispering those same words in her ear.

"Not again," she moaned, "Please."

She began to hyperventilate as Ash's fingers found the top of her leggings and began to slide them down. She looked around the room frantically for something to help her escape, anything that would distract him long enough for her to run. In the corner of her eye, she spotted a lamp on the nightstand beside her and remembered the woman with the cheating husband from the movie she couldn't recognize. Hoping against hope that this would work, she swung her arm out and felt it land on the shade. She looked down to make sure Ash wasn't paying attention to her; he was, as she expected, too preoccupied with removing the tight leggings than with what the upper half of Bella's body was up to. She slid her hand down the lamp, getting a firm grip on it before swinging her arm around to bash Ash in the head, knocking him to the side. He tried to get back up, and she was blinded by the memory of the man who had stolen her innocence and gotten away with it. She lifted the lamp and swung it down again, hearing the glass break and bringing it up and down repeatedly in a frenzy. Suddenly, she smelled the vile combination of rust and salt and looked down to find Ash's cheek was bleeding from her assault. She dropped the lamp in horror, coming to her senses and bolting out the front door.

She ran until she saw the stop sign at the end of Ash's block, and then the street sign at the end of the next one, and then farther and farther, pushing her legs to go faster, as fast as they could go, until the burn in her legs would cancel out the ache in her mind...

Ash's advances had brought back memories she hadn't let herself think about for almost three years. She could almost feel Phil's hands on her chest, his sickening words in her ear, his fingers inside of her...

And now other thoughts were very near to breaking through the imaginary, yet very real, barrier she had set up in her mind, and she must not let them, she must go faster...

She was closing in on the next stop sign, she must work harder, she must go faster...

And then she was catapulting to the ground, her ankle twisted at an odd angle, and the pain was everywhere, and she did not know how long she sat there, drinking it in, relishing in a physical expression of her pain...

And then she snapped back to reality. She was sitting on the edge of a deserted highway. She had no idea what time it was, only that it was late enough for the stars to be out and no one to be on the road. She had gotten to Ash's around nine, and they'd watched the same movie twice...

Bella gave up trying to figure out how late it was and examined herself. Her hair was a mess, her makeup felt smeared, and she would bet her life that her eyes were bloodshot from the tears she hadn't even realized were streaming down her cheeks. The middle of her thighs were chafed from trying to run with her leggings still pulled halfway down. She slowly slid them back up, gasping as the fabric ran over her twisted ankle. She was now dressed in just a cami and thin leggings that her lacy white thong was easily visible through, with no shoes or sweater or any way of keeping warm in the freezing Forks weather.

"Fuck," she swore as she realized her phone was still in the pocket of her skirt, which was currently lying on the floor of Ash's bedroom. She placed her hands on the concrete, shifting her weight to them as she slowly lifted herself from the ground. She took a step with her uninjured leg, but when she brought the other one forward, pain shot through her body and she collapsed again in a heap. "FUCK!" she shouted again. She had no phone, she had barely any clothing on, she could probably make herself walk for a short while but there was no way she could make it all the way home...

She heard the roar of an engine, and moments later she saw a silver Volvo speeding down the highway. She tried to call out for it to stop, but it was going too fast and it passed her before she could open her mouth. When the car was almost a hundred feet away, it screeched to a halt. Bella watched as it did a U-turn in the middle of the street and came racing back towards her, stopping just feet away from where she was sitting. Edward Cullen threw open his door and ran over to her.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

She bit her lip. "I don't know if I can walk," she said, gesturing to her ankle. Without a word, Edward scooped her up in his arms, opened the passenger side's door, and set her down gently before returning to his side of the car.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked as he started the engine.

"The emergency room."

"No."

"Bella, you have to get your ankle looked at."

"I'm not going to any hospitals."

"Bella--"

"Edward, I will jump out of this car."

"And stay stranded in the middle of the road without even being able to walk home?"

Bella wrapped her arms around her stomach and rested her head on the glove compartment. "Please."

Edward growled. "Fine. I'll take you to Carlisle."

"Fine," she whispered.

They drove in silence for a few minutes, Edward never releasing his ironclad grip on the steering wheel and Bella never lifting her head from the glove compartment. She felt his hand lift her chin so she was looking at him.

"Bella," he said, "Who did this to you?"

She ran her hands through her hair and leaned back against the seat, then started laughing hysterically. Edward was looking at her like she was deranged. "What on earth is funny about this situation?" he asked.

"You warned me about him, and I didn't listen to you," she answered, her voice cracking at the end of her sentence.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "What happened?"

"We were watching old movies..." she began, "He'd had a lot more to drink than I did. And he started kissing me, and told me he loved me, and I told him I didn't love him back, and he got really angry and wouldn't let me up..."

Edward took a deep breath, appearing to be trying to calm himself. "How did you get away?"

"I beat him with a lamp."

Edward's lips quirked slightly at that statement. Bella looked out the window at the fields they were speeding past, a traitorous tear sliding unintentionally down her cheek.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked softly. She wiped her face quickly and nodded.

"Bella--"

"I don't want to talk about it."

The last few minutes passed in silence, and then they were pulling into what was apparently the Cullens' lawn. Under any other circumstances, Bella would have been stunned by the magnificence of the house before her, but after everything that had happened tonight, she hardly noticed it. Edward wrapped his arm around her waist, letting her lean her weight on him as they made their way to the door.

"Won't your family be asleep?" she asked.

"No."

Alice opened the door the moment they reached it. "Go get Carlisle," she told Edward, placing Bella's arm around her shoulders and leading her to a couch in the middle of the room. "I'll be right back," she promised, and sure enough, she returned a few seconds later with a pair of shorts and a new sweater. Bella accepted them graciously, covering her freezing body with the soft material. She disappeared again, re-emerging with a glass of ice water that she handed to Bella while propping the injured leg on the coffee table in front of the couch. Alice seemed to sense that Bella didn't want to talk, so instead she sat beside her, stroking her hair until Carlisle and Edward descended the stairs.

"If this were under better circumstances, I'd say it's good to see you again, Bella," said Carlisle as he walked over and examined her ankle, "but it seems that you have a knack for getting yourself injured."

"And a knack for being rescued by Edward," she murmured.

Carlise smiled. "That, too. It doesn't look bad at all; you'll just need to ice it for a while before I can set it, and then ice it again. As long as you stay off of it for a while, you should be fine."

"So I'm not gonna need crutches or anything?"

"No," laughed the doctor, "but it might be best if you stayed here for the night. Is that alright with you?"

"That's fine," said Bella, suddenly realizing just how tired she was, "Can I borrow someone's phone? I need to call Charlie and Michelle."

Alice promptly handed her a cell phone she'd produced from her back pocket. "Thanks," she muttered. James answered the phone when she dialed the house number.

"Hello?"

"James, it's Bella."

"Should I tell Natalie to pick you up?"

"No, are Charlie and Michelle asleep?"

"Yeah, why?" That was fine. They were used to going to bed before she or James got home.

"Can you let them know I won't be there in the morning? You can drive my car to school."

"Are you staying over at Ash's?"

Bella winced. "No. I ended up seeing Edward, and I hurt my ankle, so he took me back to his house to see Carlisle."

"Edward _Cullen?_"

"Yeah, don't ask. Just tell them that Carlisle wanted me to stay the night until I was okay to use my ankle."

"Alright, Bella. Try not to injure yourself again before I see you tomorrow."

"Thanks, James. Bye."

"Bye."

Carlisle had gotten her a bag of ice while she had been on the phone, and Edward had disappeared altogether. She pressed the bag to her injury, letting the freezing ice sooth her burning ankle. Alice repositioned them so that Bella was lying down with her head resting in Alice's lap. As she felt her consciousness slowly slip away, she whispered, "Tell Edward I said thank you..."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Three chapters in three days, people. And this is a long one, too! I am on a fuckin' roll! (And yes, wingedspirit, I do curse a lot. xD)**

**Thanks a million for your reviews, guys. Keep 'em coming!  
**

**goldenrose37--Bella has done hard drugs before (when she was in Phoenix), but in the time she's spent in Forks she's only drank and smoked weed.**


	10. Chapter 10: Still Hurting

**Chapter 10: Still Hurting  
**

_Disclaimer: All of the plot lines and characters from Twilight are Stephenie Meyer's._

"And where can I turn?  
Covered with scars I did nothing to earn,  
Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn.  
But that wouldn't change the fact,  
That wouldn't speed the time,  
Once the foundation's cracked,  
And I'm  
Still Hurting."

- Still Hurting, from The Last Five Years

* * *

Bella awoke with that familiar unpleasant feeling that something she'd rather not think about had occurred the night before. She savored the split second of not remembering, and then felt each and every minute detail of her time at Ash's replace her peaceful confusion. She winced and buried them quickly, composing herself as a bubbly Alice Cullen set a mug of hot coffee and a bowl of cereal in front of her.

"Eat up!" she ordered, "It's not exactly the breakfast of champions, but we don't have very much in the cupboard, so--"

"Thanks, but I'm really not that hungry," said Bella, downing some of the coffee gratefully and burning her tongue in the process.

Alice's perfect features settled in a frown, but it disappeared as she sat down beside her. "Carlisle said you were fine to go out, and it's only third period, so if you wanted to head over to school and get your mind off of things--"

Bella snorted, interrupting her. "Because there's so much at school that's interesting enough to distract me."

"Oh, I was hoping you'd say that! Have you been to Port Angeles yet?"

Bella shook her head.

"That's what I figured. And I was thinking, since you're new in town and there's absolutely nowhere in Forks to shop, what better way to get you back on your feet than to blow off school and have me show you around?"

Bella smiled at the girl's enthusiasm. "I have been meaning to find a better book shop..."

Alice waved her hand in dismissal. "Oh, there's nowhere in Port Angeles for books, you'd have to go all the way to Seattle. That'll be next time."

"Next time?"

"Of course!" Alice smiled at her. "I can tell we're going to be friends."

Bella pretended to look pensive. "I could use more friends," she replied.

"Oh, please, have you not noticed how the whole school trails around you like lost little puppies?"

She grimaced at that. "Lost little puppies don't exactly make the best friends," she said before noticing how empty the house was, "Speaking of lost..."

"Oh, that. Edward... he wasn't sure if you were gonna want to see him, which I told him you would, but he said something about you two agreeing not to be friends, which is just utter nonsense--especially since you seem to need him around to save you now and then--"

"I resent that," Bella interjected.

Alice smiled patronizingly. "Sorry, but it's true. Anyway, it's not that he doesn't want to be your friend--_trust _me--it's just that he doesn't think it would be--"

"Prudent?"

"Exactly. You're a mystery to him, so he doesn't know what to do around you. And my brother is a wonderful guy, but bless him, he really isn't that great with people. Anyway, forget about that, we'll work on him later. Today is completely about you and me."

Alice showed her to the bathroom and disappeared to find an outfit for the day. Bella was washing her face when Alice startled her by reappearing in the doorway before she'd heard her approaching.

"Today is completely about you and me and clothing, I mean," she corrected herself.

* * *

"No more stores," gasped Bella as the duo emerged from the sixth store of the day.

Alice pouted. "Why not?"

"Because," stressed Bella, "You insist on buying me something--or, more accurately, some_things_--from every store we go into."

"How many times do I have to tell you this, Bella? I _like _buying clothing for other people. And so much looks good on you!"

"That's probably because you make me try on everything in the store. There's bound to be something."

"Stop being ridiculous, Bella. It's 'cause you're hot."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Can I at least go be ridiculous with some coffee?" she asked, pointing to a cafe on the corner she'd just spotted.

"Sure," agreed Alice, "You should probably eat something, too."

"I'm not hungry," she replied as they walked inside and stepped in line.

"So you've said."

"You're not eating anything, either."

"That's different."

"How so?"

Alice pursed her lips as Bella smirked in triumph. "I'll get one of those muffins if you split it with me," she bargained.

"One blueberry muffin and a black coffee, please," Alice ordered to Bella's surprise before turning to her companion, "The things I do for you, Swan."

Bella started to panic when she saw the size of the muffin Alice had ordered. Damn coffee shops and their humongous pastries. Damn America and their large portion sizes. Damn her stupid mouth for making a bet involving food that she wasn't absolutely positive she would win! How many calories were in that thing? Weren't they supposed to tell you that? And there was no way she'd be able to slip away to purge with Alice playing Bella Barbie with her... she felt her control slipping away. _Shit, _she thought. If she couldn't control a simple thing like what she ate, she couldn't control anything. She was weak. She was so weak. And that muffin was going to destroy her. She was going to lay in bed tonight berating herself for hours after trying to bring it back up and probably only succeeding in making her throat even more raw than it already was--her world would fall apart, her carefully constructed little shell would shatter into a million little broken, jagged, apocalyptic pieces--

"Bella? You okay?"

She blinked. They were already at a table outside.

"Fine," she muttered, running her hands through her hair, "Just zoned out there for a second." She pulled out her desperately needed pack and a lighter. "Do you mind?"

"No," Alice replied, "But if you're smoking, let's just throw this away."

"Sounds good to me," she said, more relieved than she let on as she flicked the lighter.

"So, you seem like you're doing better than last night."

Bella looked down. "I'm mostly trying not to think about it."

"If you ever want to talk--"

"I really don't."

Alice smiled at her sadly. "If you ever do, it's not just me that's here for you. My whole family... well, we've all had our fair share of issues. Whatever you're going through, one of us has probably been through it or something like it."

"I appreciate that," said Bella, "But I don't think Edward's going to be having any heart to hearts with me. He doesn't like me very much."

Alice laughed. "Oh, you have no idea."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just trust me. Edward's kind of socially dysfunctional, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you."

Bella shrugged, inhaling her cigarette three more times before putting it out.

"Where to?"

* * *

"Charlie? Michelle? James?"

Bella's inquiries were greeted by silence as she took the key out of the lock and stepped inside. Her mind surged with relief, but it wasn't the kind of relief that washes away something you needn't have worried about. It was the kind that made it easier to slump to her bedroom floor and scream unencumbered by other occupants of the house. And that's exactly what she did.

Today she'd built up her barriers just strong enough so she was able to enjoy her shopping trip with Alice without being paralyzed by what she had remembered the night before. And she really had--enjoyed her day, that is. But the problem was that her barriers were normally these herculean forces that remained upright at all costs. Today they'd been like flimsy flood barriers; just strong enough to hold the storm at bay but not nearly enough to fight it off forever.

Last night her barriers had cracked. No, that wasn't the right. For a moment, her barriers had shattered open and someone else's memories had been revealed to her. While she was running, she'd watched a young girl, no more than thirteen, be traumatized. She'd felt anguished for the girl, and wanted more than anything for her to become solid so Bella could comfort her. But then she'd realized that the girl _was _Bella. And she _was _solid. But how do you comfort yourself?

As soon as Bella had realized this, she'd thrown the barriers back up, but it was different. The old ones had taken years of careful honing to perfect, and apparently they couldn't be taken down and put back up at will. They were still there, of course, but they were more of a memory of how to distract yourself than an actual separation between good thoughts and bad. And now that she was alone, they were being sliced open. And there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Panicked, Bella did the only thing she could when things like this happened. She grabbed a pair of scissors off her desk and placed her left wrist between them, sliding the blades over and down, over and down, until sweet sedation took over. But it wasn't enough this time. It wasn't enough. She ran her hands through her hair, smearing blood in it by accident, but what did it matter? It was the same color, anyway. Phil had loved her hair. He never let her cut it. She was his pretty little porcelain doll, and her hair was his favorite...

No. She would _not_ think about this. Swiftly, she brought the scissors to her skull, grabbing a handful of hair and chopping it three quarters of the way off. She repeated this over and over again until her once mid-waist length hair was now not much farther than her chin; not even down to her shoulders. She vaguely took note of how she'd opened the side of her scalp once or twice in her frenzied cutting. And then she looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't think. She just looked. And looked. And looked.

She did not know how long she was there. But she was still there when James and Natalie found her. She was still staring at herself incomprehensibly when Natalie told James to leave the room. Her eyes were still glazed as Natalie picked her up and set her on the couch. And she did not know if it was mere seconds or minutes before she snapped out of it, but when Natalie started crying, she did.

She wiped the tear silently from Natalie's face, and whispered, "I was pregnant."

Natalie tilted her head, unsure of her friend's meaning. "I know you were, sweetie."

Bella shook her head. "No. I mean, with Phil."

Natalie just stared. "What are you talking about?"

She looked away. And once again, time blurred in and out while her mind fought against what she was about to say. It couldn't have been that long, though; that, or Natalie was very patient. "I knew a few weeks after the first time it happened. And at first I was disgusted at myself, and with it, but after a while, I started to love it. I did everything I could to hide it... I started wearing baggy clothes even before I was showing, so it wouldn't seem suspicious when I did. I started complaining about being too skinny so that Renee wouldn't think anything of it when I gained weight... not that she would've cared, anyway. And then a few months later--"

She broke off and swallowed. Natalie went to stroke her hair, but there wasn't much left to stroke.

"A few months later, Phil came in my room after Renee was asleep again. And I guess he was more observant than I thought, because when he saw the bump in my stomach, he immediately knew what it was. We didn't do anything that night. And he was really nice to me. The only time we ever argued was when he told me I had to get rid of it. But then he hit me and I was too young and scared to do anything but listen after that.

"I remember the faces of the nurses in the clinic. They're supposed to be non-judgmental, or at least, not show it if they are, but some of them were bad actors, I guess. They looked at me like I was such trash--pregnant at thirteen. I don't really know what Phil told them, but it probably made me look bad. And they looked at me bad. And I looked at me bad. And I don't want to talk about what the operation was like, except really painful. That was when I started blocking everything out, I think. I just didn't want to think. I didn't want to know. I still don't. But I do know, now.

"When we got home, Phil said we'd went to the movies and gotten ice cream. Renee seemed jealous that I was spending more time with him than her, and I heard them having sex that night. Phil left me alone for a while. I thought it was over, but then I found out that he was just waiting until he could get me on the pill. And then it started again. Almost every night. Until Renee found out.

"Before last night, I didn't let myself think about all this. But if I'd start to, I'd always remember the time Phil got me on the pill as when it started happening."

Natalie was crying again. "And when Declan got you pregnant--"

"I blamed myself again. Or, I guess I was really close to remembering, so I wanted to go back to a place where I didn't remember the most. I don't know. I just don't know. Except I do know. And Natalie?"

"Mhm?"

"It hurts. It hurts really badly."

"Oh, Bella," she said, and gathered her friend in her arms. And for the first time in years, Bella let herself really cry--not the panicky kind, or the kind that just leaks out before you can control it--the full on flood gate of tears. She clung to Natalie, and again, she didn't know for how long. She only knew how scared and how broken that little girl she saw was. And she didn't know how she was going to deal with it.

* * *

Edward Cullen's fingers danced gracefully along the piano in his room, a wordless poem filling the silence. He didn't look up as Alice stepped through the door and crossed the room to where he was. And he never lifted his fingers when she said, "She needs you, Edward." But he nodded his head. And Alice left.

And he stopped playing.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Okay, number one, don't slam me with a bunch of reviews saying there isn't anywhere great to shop in Port Angeles. I know. But quite frankly, Breaking Dawn sucked and I really don't care about straying on a tiny detail.

Number two, sorry about the wait. Show week(s) of West Side Story was crazy, and then I was finishing up summer and starting up school (bleh), and now my Sweeney Todd rehearsals are beginning to take over my life, but I'll do my best to keep cranking these chapters out for ya'.

Number three, I know the whole muffin thing seemed dramatic, but trust me, that's what an eating disorder is (except much more complicated).

And number four, Edward and Bella are finally getting somewhere, as you can kinda see. Promise.

(Oh, and five, the last part of this chapter was kinda rushed and I'm not even sure how much I like the beginning. Eh. Hope you liked it. Sorry if you didn't.)

Much much love,

Jillian Renee


	11. Chapter 11: Happy Apple Poison

**Chapter 11: Happy Apple Poison  
**

_Disclaimer: All of the plot lines and characters from Twilight are Stephenie Meyer's._

_

* * *

_"You sure you're ready?"

Bella sighed and nodded again to her step brother. "I'm sure."

She'd missed three days of school since the day she'd taken a pair of scissors to her hair. Natalie had graciously helped her turn the choppy mess into a short but stylish cut that appeared to have been an intentional move. Bella was surprised to find that she liked her new style more than her old one, and was grateful that her attempts at destroying her hair had, conversely, improved it.

She let James drive her old car to school, giving her more time to smoke a few cigarettes in silence in preparation for facing the multitude of curious classmates. Of course, none of them knew what she had really been doing, but they were sure to at least inquire, and she really didn't feel up to making excuses for her absence.

Ash had called her exactly fourteen times since she'd escaped his house, and Bella had ignored each and every one. She couldn't find it in her to care about anything he could possibly have to say, although, despite everything, he did open the floodgates to her memory for her. She wasn't quite sure if this was something to be grateful for--at times, she did prefer the quiet numbness of not remembering, but she was never going to end her destructive tendencies if she didn't know why they were there in the first place. This was not to say that she was better, far from it, actually--but she knew now that she couldn't keep starving and cutting and drinking her problems away. Getting to the point where this was possible wasn't going to be easy, but she'd grudgingly and mentally decided to try.

James never interrupted her musing as they reached the entrance to the school and went their separate ways. She was pretty sure he was scared of her; she'd be scared of James, too, if she'd found him in the state she'd been in. It wasn't that he didn't know what to say to her, rather it was that he was terrified of pushing her over the edge again. She'd have to do something about that. She was fragile, this was true, but she wasn't going to keel over at the slightest bit of conversation.

"Bella!" came an overly exuberant voice from next to her locker. She spun the numbers to the combination without looking up, hoping that Jessica would get the hint and go away. Instead, she seemed to think that Bella had simply not heard her, and tugged slightly on her arm to get her attention. She winced visibly, still sore from Ash.

"Bella?" asked Jessica, who Bella now noticed was flanked by Lauren and Angela, "Are you okay?"

"Fine," she snapped, grimacing and holding her arm, which was currently being gawked at by all three of the girls.

"Oh," Jessica replied, nonplussed, "Where have you been?"

"Skipping."

"Well, duh, but why?"

"I didn't feel like coming to school and dealing with all of the imbeciles here," she forced out through gritted teeth, hoping Jessica would get the hint that she was one of them. Instead, the peppy teenager just laughed and invited her to some beach thing that "everyone is going to".

"I'll think about it," she said, effectively ending the conversation--finally. Jessica and her cronies skipped off merrily, or so it seemed to Bella in her bitter mindset. Angela, however, stopped without the other two noticing and doubled back shyly.

"Jessica's kind of... insensitive, sometimes," she remarked quietly, "I hope you're okay." And then she turned around to rejoin them. _Huh, _thought Bella, _maybe at least one of them isn't so bad._

She finished grabbing her books and slammed the locker shut, whirling around and colliding with something cold and hard that sent her flying to the floor, her books flying away from her. She glared at them, willing the books to somehow organize and pick themselves up, but they remained mockingly scattered across the tile.

"I'm so sorry," came a smooth voice from above her. Edward Cullen was picking up her books for her while she was crumpled on the floor clutching her sore arm to her stomach. How wonderfully embarrassing. He helped her up gently, taking special care to avoid touching the arm which had been irritated by Jessica and then attacked by the floor.

"My fault," said Bella. She turned around to walk to homeroom, but realized Edward was still holding her books for her.

"I can carry them for you," he offered.

"I'm not disabled," she retorted, grabbing them back too quickly from his marble arms. It was a bad move. Her traitorous arm gave out from under her, making way for her books to spill on the floor for the second time in two minutes, but Edward somehow caught them all before they hit and sent her a reproving glance.

"I can carry them for you," he repeated with a tone of finality.

She nodded briefly. "Anything exciting happen while I was gone?" she asked sarcastically as they made their way through the hall.

Edward rolled his eyes. "If you consider them announcing the girls' choice dance exciting, then yes."

"So you're, what, talking to me now?"

He glanced over at her warily. "I'd like to try to be... friends. Even though it really isn't the best idea."

Bella snorted. "You have no idea," she agreed, before processing what he'd said, "Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that it would be best for you to stay away from me, but... I'm tired of trying to stay away from you."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"It's just, that doesn't make any sense."

Edward stared at her strangely. "And what does that mean?"

"It means, I'm the one it would be best to stay away from. Not the other way around."

"Really?" he inquired disbelievingly.

"I mean it," she said forcefully, "I'm not a good friend."

"Neither am I."

"Good."

"Good."

"So..." Bella trailed off, confused about which direction this conversation was heading.

"Why don't we just agree to be the bad friends we both believe we are to each other, and go from there?"

"Right. Okay."

Edward stopped and held out her books for her. She looked around in surprise, having been too absorbed by her companion to pay attention to the fact that they'd reached their destination. She accepted them carefully, watching Edward flash her his crooked grin and walk back the way they came without another word.

* * *

Alice Cullen somehow materialized outside of Bella's first period class seconds after the bell rang. Before she'd even had time to leave her desk, Alice swept up her books in one arm and linked the other with Bella's non-injured one.

"Come, now," she ordered, "French class waits for no man!"

"Thanks," Bella replied, "But I really--"

"Shut up, Bella. I'm carrying your books and that's that." Alice had a way of putting her foot down cheerfully. "I thought you hurt your ankle, not your arm."

She grimaced in response. "My arm got worse as my ankle got better."

"Oh. Love your hair, by the way."

"Thanks. Aren't you gonna be late for your next class?"

Alice just smiled conspiratorially. "I have my ways."

And apparently she did. She magically re-appeared at the end of every class in Bella's morning block, only leaving her side to join her family once they'd reached the cafeteria. Bella noticed with chagrin that their bronze haired fifth wheel was absent, which was odd, considering he'd been here before homeroom. She put her rather inappropriate disappointment out of her mind and strolled up to the lunch line to see if there was anything mildly appetizing today, hoping that there wasn't. Getting something to eat would be the good, healthy, new-and-improved-Bella thing to do, but she couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't just come back up before Biology. And that would be a very old-Bella thing to do. Granted, there hadn't been much difference between new-Bella and old-Bella just yet, but she didn't want to start off on the wrong foot. In fact, she was sort of terrified to place herself in any uncomfortable situation because she didn't want to fall back into her old routine and feel helpless to escape it.

Mike Newton interrupted her rather fucked-up musing by calling her name as she reached the line. "What's up, Mike?" she asked with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

"Not much," he replied, looking over his shoulder and glancing at his watch in rapid succession. He seemed nervous. This couldn't be good.

"Is there something you wanted to say?"

"No! I mean, yes." He sighed, seeming to have given himself over to whatever embarrassment lie waiting for him. "It's just... you know, the dance is coming up, and I wanted to know if you'd go with me."

He peeked at her self-consciously. She paused cruelly, making him wonder. It almost made her feel better. "I thought it was a girls' choice dance?"

"It is," he said quickly, "Jessica already asked me."

"You should tell her yes," she told him lazily while examining her nails, which were currently a loud shade of purple.

Mike's face fell. Okay, time to stop being a bitch. "I'm gonna be in Seattle that day," she said, giving him the first excuse she could come up with.

"Oh. Can't you go any other weekend?"

"Sorry," came a voice from next to them. Bella's eyes snapped to Edward, who was suddenly leaning on the wall beside them. She hadn't seen him there a second ago. How did he _do _that?

"For what?" asked Mike, insulting Edward with his tone.

"Bella and I already have plans that day. Better luck next time. Coming, Bella?"

She nodded and followed him to a different table than the one his family was seated at, suspicious but grateful for the interruption. "You're welcome," he told her smugly.

"Thank you," she retorted, grabbing his lemonade off of the tray and taking a long sip.

"And how do you know I wasn't planning on drinking that myself?" His voice was amused.

Bella snorted. "Please," she told him, "You don't eat food. At least, not in front of other people." She expected him to be angry at this statement as he'd been before when she'd pointed out the more peculiar aspects of his behavior, but he didn't seem to mind the observation.

"Neither do you."

"That's different."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I have a theory."

"Oh, really?" He was interested now. "And what would that be?"

"Okay, so I had this friend Matt back in Phoenix. Real big jock, kinda cocky, but he knew the best dealers so I kept him around." Edward's eyes narrowed. "He knew them because he wanted to go to some Ivy League school, I don't remember which one, but coming from his neighborhood, he obviously could only go if he got an amazing football scholarship. The problem there is, Matt was pretty good, but our school had a really shitty team, and I do mean that. We never had enough funding to get a good coach, and I think we won, like, two games in my entire high school career there."

"So he started taking steroids to get noticed."

"Very perceptive, Edward," she congratulated him sarcastically, "And he did. He got really fucking good, only it started doing weird stuff to him. Like, we'd be watching TV and he'd go to change the channel and accidentally break my freaking remote. And his face started getting all weird and almost disfigured."

"And this immediately reminds you of me."

Bella laughed. "Not exactly. But it would make sense if you were on a different kind of steroid than Matt was; one that makes you super fast and changes the colors of your eyes and cancels out hunger. You know, instead of making you ugly and buff."

"Seriously?" he asked incredulously, "That's your theory? That my family is a bunch of druggies?"

"It's better than radioactive spiders," she said defensively.

Edward laughed. "That it is. So what ever happened to your friend?"

"Matt? Oh, he got into the university he wanted to, but they tested him and threw him out two weeks into the pre-season. And by that time he couldn't just stop, and it got worse and worse until he OD'ed a few months later."

"He died?"

"Yeah, steroids are scary shit. I haven't done any since it happened. You seem to be handling it rather well, though."

"I'm not--" Edward began before processing her response, "You used to do steroids?"

"Once. I'm kind of a try-it-before-you-knock-it girl."

"That's extremely stupid."

Bella shrugged. "You try growing up in Phoenix."

"What all have you done?" he asked curiously.

"Let's see," she began, "Weed, obviously, and cocaine, heroin, LSD, nitrus oxide, codine--"

"Cocaine? Heroin? LSD?"

"Oh, I'm not stupid, I stop doing the hard drugs before I can get addicted."

Edward looked utterly perplexed. "Why?"

"Because addiction is a bitch?"

"No," he corrected himself, "I mean, why did you start in the first place?"

"Why does anyone do drugs?" she asked rhetorically, "Because I was bored, or I didn't want to think about something. Don't worry, I've been a good little girl since I came to Forks. I mostly just drink now."

Edward raised his eyebrows, but he seemed more fascinated by her than disapproving. "So, we have plans on Saturday?" she teased him, smoothly changing the subject.

He grinned. "If you want to."

"I don't think I'm busy," she told him casually.

"Of course, I don't have any heroin," he teased her back, "so it won't be too much fun for you, but maybe I can spare some of my family's special steroids."

"So you admit it!"

"What I admit, Bella," he said quietly, "Is that steroids are probably better than the alternative."

"Whatever," she replied, scooping up her books before he had a chance to as the bell rang, "You can stop trying to scare me off now."

"I wish it would work," he sighed, following her to class.

"You know, I know I'm a lot different than most of the people in this school, but if you don't want to be friends with me that badly, you can just say so."

"It's not that, you know it's not that," he said, running his hand through his sleek hair in frustration, "I just worry that it won't be good for you."

"Well, stop worrying, partner," she ordered him as they reached the classroom and sat down in their respective seats, "Let's just be the bad friends we both believe we are to each other, and go from there."

* * *

There was a car waiting outside the front of the school when Bella emerged from the daily torture that was gym class. She knew before even looking who it was.

Ash jumped out of the car and ran over to where she was swiftly walking away. "Wait, Bella," he called as he reached her, "Let me explain."

She didn't turn around. He grabbed her shoulder and she shook him off so violently that he staggered back. "What the _fuck_," she asked him, deadly calm, "do you think you are doing?"

"Bringing you your phone, giving you a ride to work, and apologizing?" His eyes pleaded with her. She was silent, and he took that as an opportunity to continue. "Please, Bella, you have to know that I never meant for that to happen. I'm _so _sorry. I had too much to drink, and--"

"Please don't make excuses."

"Bella--"

He didn't get to finish his sentence because a steel fist collided with his face. "Edward!" she scolded him, but he wouldn't look at her. His eyes were full of pure, unadulterated rage and they were fixed on the victim who was clutching the side of his face. He bent over and whispered to him so quietly she wasn't sure if she imagined it. "You ever touch her again," he said, "And I will break more than your jaw. You are to quit your job and never speak of this to anyone."

And then he leaned up and said, "Want a ride to work?"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Hey, there! Sorry 'bout the wait.

Reviews are better than Edward and Bella finally getting somewhere.


	12. Chapter 12:When I Get Home You're SoDead

**Chapter 11: When I Get Home You're So Dead  
**

_Disclaimer: All of the plot lines and characters from Twilight are Stephenie Meyer's._

* * *

"Everyone's staring, you know," Bella commented to the statuesque figure who was languishing by her locker.

"More than usual, you mean?" he responded lazily.

Bella laughed sardonically. "Yeah, more than usual. I wonder what lame stories they came up with to explain why you smashed Ash's face in in the parking lot yesterday."

"Oh, they're not very creative."

"And how would you know?" she inquired as she gathered the last of her materials for the morning.

Edward smiled in that mysterious way of his. "Just a guess," he said, pushing the locker shut for her and walking her to homeroom.

In the days following her return to school, Bella and Edward fell into somewhat of a routine; Edward appeared beside her locker every morning and rejoined her at lunch, after which they would make their way to biology. Both attempted in vain to convince the other to keep their distance, but they both were tired of trying to stay away. Occasionally, Alice joined them at the lunch table, but more often than not, the two of them ate (or rather, sat) by themselves. It was on one such day that Bella brought up the trip to La Push Beach Mike had been hounding her about for almost a week. He had strongly insinuated that it would be best if she did not invite a certain Edward Cullen, but as he had not voiced this request outright, she didn't feel guilty for not honoring it.

"And what beach did you say this was at?" he asked suspiciously.

"La Push. It's on the reservation."

"My family's going to be camping that day."

"What!" she exclaimed, causing the seniors at the other end of the table to glance over curiously, "That doesn't count, you didn't say no until I told you where it was!"

"I only just remembered."

"Oh, come on, Edward, you're a _much _better liar than that."

"Why do you even want to go?" he asked her, "I thought you couldn't stand that group."

"I don't know," she said, absently tearing her uneaten bagel to shreds, "I just thought it might not be such a drag if you came along."

Edward grinned, looking rather pleased with himself. "If you crave my company so much, you could've just said so--"

"Please," she scoffed, "I just thought I'd be generous and give you a chance to be in _my _company."

"Is that right? I suppose that's why you've spent the majority of your school days with me since you got back, because you're being _generous_?"

"Well, you are showing up out of nowhere and whisking me away all the time, it's rather creepy but I thought I'd be nice--"

"Shut up, Bella." They smiled at each other, giving up on the pointless argument. "We really are going camping this weekend, though, but I'll be here next Saturday to grace you with my presence... if we're still on, that is."

She waved her hand dismissively. "I think I can fit you in."

And so it was that Bella Swan found herself pulling into the Newtons' camping store sans Edward Cullen, hoping that she wouldn't regret her decision to attend the trip. She was also hoping that this would give James a chance to be around her without stepping on goddamn eggshells. Not to mention, she'd been ignoring Jessica and her cronies as of late, and knew that she'd be making some unnecessary enemies if it went on for too much longer.

Jessica was happy to see her, but there was no saying the same for Lauren. She threw Bella a nasty look as she exited her truck and whispered something conspicuously to a blond beside her. Bella swallowed her tongue and painted on a smile.

"You made it!" exclaimed Mike, peering around the side of the truck as if to see if any unwelcome guests were in attendance. Satisfied with the lack of results, he offered her a ride in his car. She attempted to appease Jessica by letting her take shotgun, but ended up being squeezed between Tyler and Lauren, which was undoubtedly worse. As they pulled out and started toward the reservation, Bella found herself wishing Natalie hadn't had to work today. Tyler and Mike both tried to start a conversation with her, receiving unnoticed disapproval from the two other occupants of the car. Bella ignored them happily.

When they finally reached the beach, everyone settled down at the already blazing bonfire. Teenagers from the reservation were gathered around it, and one came over to greet James as soon as the newcomers had come into view.

"Bella, Jacob, Jacob, Bella," James introduced them quickly before hurrying over to the plates of roasted hot dogs like the typical boy that he was.

"I've heard a lot about you," he remarked. Bella raised her eyebrows. "Charlie and my dad are good friends. He's the one that sold you your truck."

"Oh," she replied, "So you and James are good friends then?"

"Yeah, but I'm nothing compared to food, I guess."

She laughed in response and was about to ask him more, but was interrupted by Lauren's nasally voice. "Bella," she called, "I was just saying to Tyler that it was a shame none of the Cullens made it out today. I thought you would've invited your best friend."

"I did," she retorted, "He had other plans."

"Are you talking about Dr. Carlisle Cullen's family?" asked one of the older teenagers from the reservation.

"Yes, do you know them?" Lauren sneered.

"The Cullens don't come here," he informed her with a note of finality.

Bella stared at him, thinking the statement rather rude; it had been spoken as if it was the Cullens stayed away not of their own choosing.

"So," said Jacob, breaking the uneasy silence, "Is Forks driving you insane yet?"

Bella let out a sharp laugh. "You could say that," she told him, "But it's better than where I'm from."

"Why's that?"

She shrugged. "Let's walk."

* * *

When Bella returned home that night, her head was still reeling from the conversation she'd had with Jacob Black. She'd played with the boy's obvious attraction to her somewhat shamefully, pretending to listen intently as he described to her the legends of his people when all she was really interested was information on the Cullens--specifically, one Edward Cullen.

He had, of course, gotten to the part she wanted to hear and Jacob, embarrassed by his family's silly superstitions, had told her what some of the Quileutes believed the Cullens to be.

Vampires.

Bella flopped down on her bed and attempted to take it all in. The notion of a family of vampires living in the quiet town of Forks was a ridiculous one... but she couldn't deny that something supernatural was taking place before her eyes. The slight discrepancies from normality present in the Cullens' behavior went largely unnoticed by the populace because they preferred to keep to themselves. For whatever reason, Bella had somehow become a part of something much larger than herself--and she was the only one, save the Quileutes, to notice.

All this time, she had been the one warning Edward to stay away; telling him she was more dangerous than she appeared. All this time, had Edward been right? _Should_ she have been the one to keep her distance? Was he as horrible as he attempted to convince her, as the Quileutes believed?

She couldn't find it in her to accept that. Regardless of what Edward was, Bella knew that he wasn't evil. Part of Jacob's story--the most comforting part--was the detail of the Cullens' diet. They abstained from human blood, denying their true nature to regain some semblance of goodness. And even if Jacob had left this particular aspect out, she doubted she would have thought the worst of Edward and his family. She hadn't known him for long at all, but she felt as if she _knew _him. Or, at least, although she apparently had known nothing of his true nature, she knew that it was not an evil one.

It was strange how calmly she was accepting this fairy tale. In fact, she hadn't even realized how seriously she was taking it until now, but then again, she had a history of wanting to believe in things that were better than reality. When she was young, she had often spent hours daydreaming of places she imagined herself living in--places where no one could hurt her, or use her, or hit her. Often, these places were mystical realities where storybook creatures came to life and took care of her. Of course, she had abandoned this pastime quickly as the world had hardened her into the cynical realist she was today, but she still had a tendency for fanciful thinking.

She suddenly was gripped by an overwhelming urge to confront Edward Cullen and demand the truth. This was a preposterous idea for more than one reason. Firstly, Edward was out of town with his family--again. Secondly, had she not been doing this very thing to a lesser degree for the entirety of the time she had known him? And finally... she had no right to. There were so many things in her past that she cringed at the thought of telling him, so many secrets that would stay that way forever--who was she to expect him to share private aspects of his life with her? It was hypocritical. It was tempting. It was wrong.

And so she knew that she would never bring it up. She would wait, and if he saw fit to tell her who he truly was, she would let him. But she would most likely not be returning the favor, and therefore, she would never make him.

* * *

The remainder of the weekend passed uneventfully, partly due to Bella's cheerful ignorance of what Jacob had told her on Friday. Admittedly, she had employed Natalie and her endless supply of alcohol to assist her in forgetting about it. She had not been able to confide in Natalie, either. On the off chance that the absurd story was true, it was not her secret to tell, although she desperately wished to have someone to talk to about it.

Edward surprised her on Monday morning by appearing in front of her house in his Volvo. She hadn't heard him arrive, and answered the door to find an overwhelmingly beautiful and mysterious Edward Cullen at her door. He shook his wet hair lightly, grinning again, and asked her, "Want a ride?"

She smiled, more intrigued by him than ever. "Sure," she told him before turning around and yelling, "James! You can take the truck."

He opened her door for her like a true gentleman, appearing by her side so quickly that it was almost inhuman. Bella quieted this thought and climbed in, admiring the posh interior. She was surprised, yet again, by how effortless it was conversing with him on the short ride to school. It was as if nothing had changed, and that was both comfortable and comforting.

"So how was your camping trip?" she asked lightly as they trudged through the infinite rain towards the school.

"It was... refreshing," he informed her.

A very tiny part of Bella's brain was currently wondering what exactly this camping trip had entailed, but an overwhelming portion of it shied away from voicing this.

"That's not why I head Edward punched him," came the obnoxious and not very well disguised voice of Lauren floating over to their ears.

"Oh god," moaned Bella, "Are people really still talking about that?"

The possy hanging on Lauren's words asked her what she had head, and she promptly shushed them. "I heard Edward was pissed because Ash gave Bella herpes, and now Edward's got it. No one knows whether Bella got it from sharing needles with him or not wearing a condom. I know, it's scandalous."

Bella's jaw dropped. "Oh, hell no," she hissed, seething as she took a step in the direction of the offenders before being paralyzed on the spot. She attempted to break through her invisible barrier, realizing momentarily that it was Edward's arm blocking her path. _Jesus Christ, he's strong._

"You should ignore her," he said placidly.

"Are you kidding?" she answered, giving him a look which clearly implied that she was currently questioning his sanity, "Didn't that piss you off?"

"She's just angry with you because Tyler told everyone he's going to the girls' choice dance with you."

"That dirty little--what did you just say?"

Edward chuckled. "I thought it wasn't true."

"But why would he be going to the girls' choice dance with me? It's the girl's choice! It's clearly stated in the title of the damn thing and I didn't choose him!"

"I know, but--"

"And how the hell do you know about this anyway?"

He tapped his head meaningfully. "I hear things."

Bella shuddered for a moment, wondering if that wasn't true as well. She quickly remembered what she was mad about and, overwhelmed by the three different confusing and infuriating things that had just occurred, stormed off in the opposite direction of her locker, explaining herself with an, "I need a cigarette, dammit!"

* * *

Bella met Edward at their usual table with an apple and a soda in tow, smiling sweetly at him as she took her seat. Edward gazed at her warily.

"Not mad anymore?"

"Nope," she responded cheerfully, "But I do have one thing to take care of first."

"Oh?" She was out of her seat before he could question her, gliding serenely over to where Lauren was seated with the rest of the preppy dykes.

"Oh, Lauren," she announced, tapping the blonde girl lightly on the back. Lauren turned around, sneering when she realized who was addressing her.

"What?" she asked defiantly.

Bella gave her the same sickly sweet smile she had given Edward. "I know the pubescent excuses for men that go to this school are what you're in to, and I'm not one to judge, but if you think for one second that I would stoop to the level of dick that you and your slutty friends do, well then all I have to say to you is pull your bleached blonde, fake baked head out of your ass and stop spreading rumors about me. Sound fucking good?"

Lauren glared at her but seemed unable to come up with a response. Edward suddenly appeared by her side, murmuring, "I think it's time for us to go," before dragging the compliant Bella away from the scene.

"Where are we going?" she inquired, not caring in the slightest.

"We're going to skip the last two periods, if that's alright with you."

"Peachy!"

When they reached the car, Bella jumped in and said, "So, I have a question for you."

"And that is?"

"What are we doing this Saturday?"

Edward's face contorted into an expression she couldn't decipher. "I was hoping to make it a surprise, actually."

"No way!" she told him immediately, " I hate surprises."

"Too bad."

"Can you give me a little hint?"

"Nope."

"Not even if I pretend to cry?"

"You're not getting anything out of me, Swan," he declared before donning an expression of uneasiness, "You're not really going to cry, are you?"

"Ha! Like you could make me cry, Cullen. Am I allowed to smoke in here?"

"I would really prefer if you didn't. You shouldn't smoke anyway, those things make you smell horrible."

"What is it with you and always insulting how I smell? No one else thinks I smell bad," she pouted.

"I have very good senses."

Bella pursed her lips. "I believe you," she said, the two lapsing into silence for the remaining few minutes of the ride back to her house.

Edward noticed the car in the driveway before she did. "Whose car is that?" he asked her.

"Hell if I know," she replied, "Let's go find out!"

"You really gave Lauren a beat down at lunch," he remarked as they got out of the car.

"Of course I did," she answered, opening the door, "I'm a badass like that."

And then she stopped dead in her tracks. When she forgot to breathe, Edward was by her side asking, "Bella? Are you alright?"

"I think you should go," she whispered.

"Who is this guy?"

She made eye contact with the man sitting at her kitchen table and didn't break it until Edward repeated the question. "His name is Declan," she said, "and I really need you to go."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Hey there, remember me?**

**Reviews are sweet.  
**


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